Satiremusement

Satiremusement is a satirical news site regarding amusement and theme parks, it is often called "The Onion for theme park junkies". It launched in 1999 as an online-only satirical magazine after The Onion denied it's founder permission to release satire regarding amusement parks online or on their print magazine.

What is the Most Popular Theme Park IP In Every State? (August 20th, 2023)

 * Alabama - Greek Mythology (They sure love the incest...)
 * Alaska - Frozen (They can definitely relate to how freezing Arendelle is.)
 * Arizona - Cars (Radiator Springs is set in good old Arizona. They're still begging Disney and Carwardine to merge just so Arizona's Backyard can get a Radiator Springs Racers clone)
 * Arkansas - Looney Tunes (They surely enjoyed that Walmart cameo in Back in Action!)
 * California - Journey Into Imagination (They are jealous of Florida)
 * Colorado - Family Guy (There's not a whole lot of South Park rides so this will have to do)
 * Connecticut - Garfield (They still want Garfield to come back on the Wildcat logo)
 * Delaware - Marvel's Inhumans (GET IT? Delaware's boring!)
 * Florida - Despicable Me (Those darn Minions will defeat that woke mouse... ONE DAY!)
 * Georgia - VeggieTales (They binged-watch it before it was cool every Sunday)
 * Hawaii - Lilo & Stitch (The franchise is set in Hawaii, and there's a lot of Japanese immigrants, m'kay?)
 * Idaho - The Simpsons (I'M IDAHO! Of course you are... They really enjoyed one of the only successfully cartoons to mention Idaho by name, sorry Napoleon Dynamite: The Animated Series...)
 * Illinois - Peanuts (Charlie Brown loses baseball games just like the Chicago Cubs)
 * Indiana - Dumbo (Who cares if the crows are racist? They're like the only ones of their state birds to be even remotely mentioned in the world of theme parks...)
 * Iowa - Barney & Friends (I can't tell if the guy from Iowa who I heard said that is joking or not...)
 * Kansas - The Wizard of Oz? (Big surprise, huh?)
 * Kentucky - Horseland (That darn short-lived cartoon has some amusement rides themed to horseback riding. It makes perfect sense.)
 * Louisiana - Jet Set Radio (Makes them relieve the memories of vandalizing the heck out of Jazzland when it was still abandoned)
 * Maine - It (YAY! STEPHEN KING!)
 * Maryland - The Lego Movie (EVERYTHING IS AWESOME! EVERYTHING IS COOL WHEN YOU'RE PART OF A TEAM!)
 * Massachusetts - Scooby-Doo (It's practically a documentary over there...)
 * Michigan - The Oregon Trail (Mainly for the hunting segments, though...)
 * Minnesota - How To Train Your Dragon (Hip hip hooray for Vikings!)
 * Mississippi - Monopoly (Probably the closest thing people have there to being rich)
 * Missouri - The Get-Along Gang (They are too nice to accept anything with a villain...)
 * Montana - The Flintstones (They still have towns just like Bedrock!)
 * Nebraska - U.S. Acres (They find the jokes relatable.)
 * Nevada - Johnny Bravo (He's an Elvis impersonator, and they like that one TV show has one as a main character.)
 * New Hampshire - Rocket Power (LIVE FREE OR DIE!)
 * New Jersey - WarioWare (They like a good angry Italian man in their lives...)
 * New Mexico - Dora the Explorer (Close enough, I guess...)
 * New York - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (They like the setting.)
 * North Carolina - NASCAR (RAISE HELL! PRAISE DALE!)
 * North Dakota - Making Fiends (There's as much people in North Dakota as theme park attractions based on this show.)
 * Ohio - Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius (Nothin' better than rockets!)
 * Oklahoma - Futurama (They just like that the protagonist is named Fry, though.)
 * Oregon - Gravity Falls (It's completely accurate, I swear.)
 * Pennsylvania - Hershey (You gotta love Hersheypark more than their other parks.)
 * Rhode Island - SpongeBob SquarePants (Bikini Bottom is a pretty overrated beachside town just like Providence.)
 * South Carolina - Hard Rock (DANG CARWARDINE! YOU RUINED ONE OF THE GREATEST TOURIST DESTINATIONS WITH YOUR MARIO CRAP!)
 * South Dakota - Yogi Bear (They're SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE STATE!... except the show's set in Wyoming, dumbos.)
 * Tennessee - Dolly Parton (They know ALL her songs. Even the ones that she sang before she became famous.)
 * Texas - King of the Hill (Propane and propane accessories. Texas' flags are still half mast over a week after Johnny Hardwick's death.)
 * Utah - Pikmin (Pikmin sounds like Mormon.)
 * Vermont - The Goode Family (They don't know that the show's making fun of hippies, they also don't know that The Goode Family doesn't have any amusement rides)
 * Virginia - Animaniacs (They just love all the historical in-jokes. Pretty sure I've once heard The Presidents Song on the way to Carwardine Colony)
 * Washington - Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (I'll be here all week...)
 * West Virginia - Minecraft (They like working in the mines.)
 * Wisconsin - Barnyard (They like the main character happens to be a bull with udders.)
 * Wyoming - BrainSurge (Wait? That show has a ride? In Minnesota?)

Top 10 Non-Woke Alternatives to Walley World (September 14th, 2023)

 * 10. Canobie Lake Park
 * 9. Holy Land USA

Knoebles adds ride less than 25 years old (September 20th, 2023)
Today, Knoebles had made a bombshell of an announcement. They are actually going to add a ride less than 25 years old.

What is the Most Popular Theme Park IP In Every Country? (October 1st, 2023)

 * Albania - MAD (MAD TV was the only TV show in the world to have prominently featured Albania)
 * Australia - Silverwing (Get it? Bats hang upside down!)
 * Bulgaria - Histeria! (The theme song said so.)
 * Canada - Lu & the Bally Bunch (Blame Carwardine for making what would've been an obscure preschool show into a cult hit.)
 * China - James Cameron's Avatar (If it weren't for them, The Way of Water would have never happened!)
 * El Kadsre - Bionicle (LEGO STOLE OUR CREATION!)
 * England - Redwall (Those Brits do love their medieval mice)
 * Eruowood - Egyptian mythology (The people with animal heads appeal to Eruowoodian furries)
 * Finland - Disney Ducks (Donald Duck and Scrooge McDuck are among their national heroes)
 * France - Tintin (A French icon... despite being canonically Belgian)
 * Iceland - LazyTown (A fine documentary on Icelandic life)
 * India - Oggy and the Cockroaches (France's own version of Tom & Jerry is shockingly more popular outside of France. Seriously!)
 * Iraq - The Exorcist (Because it's the only piece of media that doesn't portray Iraq as stereotypically war-torn)
 * Ireland - Rainbow Brite (Leprechaun is too stereotypical for them; plus Rainbowland is sort of like the gold at the end of the rainbow)
 * Italy - Mario (IT'S-A ME, MARIO!)
 * Japan - W.I.T.C.H. (Because magical girls)
 * Kittenolivia - My Little Pony G4 (Even the prime minister is a brony.)
 * Laos - King of the Hill (What other Western franchise has major Laotian-American characters?)
 * Mexico - Dragon Ball Z (Goku is a national hero there. They probably teach children to sing Cha-La Head-Cha-La in school.)
 * Monaco - Arthur (Muffy Crosswire is their patron saint.)
 * Netherlands - Sesame Street (But only Bert and Ernie)
 * New Zealand - Power Rangers (With the show having been filmed in The Land of the Rising Number 8 Wire for close to a decade, it's practically turned into a documentary on life there)
 * Romania - Underworld (My Romanian colleague insists that everything involving vampires is a documentary to him)
 * San Marino - Flavaz (There's just as many people living here than there are fans of Mattel's other attempt to take on Bratz)
 * Saudi Arabia - WWE (The only non-North American country they go to regularly for PPVs these days)
 * Scotland - The Simpsons (Groundskeeper Willie. 'Nuff said.)
 * Spain - The Princess Bride (Inigo Montoya is a national hero there.)
 * United States of America - Team America: World Police ('MURICA! F*CK YEAH!)
 * Venezuela - Bratz (The closest thing anybody there has to being wealthy, thanks to the Maduro regime.)
 * Wales - Doctor Who (The show has practically turned into a series of Welsh tourism infomercials)