A Death in the Pet Shop/Transcript

The following is a transcript of the upcoming American adult animated dramedy special, A Death in the Pet Shop.

Adult Swim Bump
Here's a trivia question

for you

Do you remember the 2012 TV series

Littlest Pet Shop?

If you answered yes,

then listen closely

The following program is

a childhood killer

To avoid panic attacks,

think of it as an early draft

of the short "Eau de Pepper"

that was rejected by Hasbro

for being too dark and twisted

That's exactly what

this program is

A dark and twisted version

of "Eau de Pepper"

Extended to 44 minutes

with commercial interruptions

Complete with the original

voice cast and crew

Hide the kids

[adult swim]

Act 1
(Intro)

(We open on an aerial view of 72 Oak Street as the camera pans down to Littlest Pet Shop. We cut to the day camp area, where Blythe Baxter is helping Minka Mark into her monarch butterfly costume.)

Blythe Baxter: (adjusts Minka's butterfly wings) Aaand... there! (to the pets) Man, you guys are gonna look great at the International Pet Fashion Expo.

Pepper Clark: (steps forward) Yeah, we look great. But how do we smell?

Blythe: (confused) Hm? Smell?

Pepper: (nods) Yeah! I think we have to smell happy!

(Blythe and the pets (excluding Penny Ling) give Pepper confused looks.)

Pepper: Let me explain: if the judges smell happiness on us, it'll seep into their subconscious and make them happy. And who doesn't want a happy judge?

Penny Ling: Hmm, that makes sense.

Pepper: Exactly! (sticks her tail into Penny Ling's mouth, the latter of whom pushes it back) Now all I have to do is capture my happiest of happy scents. A delicate, peppermint-rosy, just-baked cupcake blend. (turns to Penny Ling) And I think I know the right pet for the job.

(Penny Ling blushes and chuckles nervously at Pepper's comment. We transition with a lightning strike to a sinister castle atop a summit. Inside, we see Pepper sitting on a table next to a tube, which she sticks her tail into.)

Pepper: Ready, Penny Ling?

(We cut to Penny Ling, dressed in a lab coat with her hair raised like a mad scientist's, operating a machine as she pulls down a pair of goggles.)

Penny Ling: Ready!

Pepper: Okay, start showing me the pictures.

(Penny Ling flicks two switches, making a screen come down in front of Pepper. Penny Ling presses some buttons, and the screen displays a picture of Pepper's rubber chicken. Pepper laughs and produces a yellow fume, which is converted into liquid form and drips into Penny Ling's test-tube.)

Penny Ling: (sniffs the fume) Mmm! Smells like vanilla!

Pepper: (confused) Vanilla? That's not right! Try again.

(Penny Ling pulls down a lever, changing the screen to Pepper's headbow. Pepper laughs and produces a purple fume, which drips into Penny Ling's test-tube.)

Penny Ling: (sniffs the fume) Blueberry with a hint of jasmine!

Pepper: Nice, but still not right. Come on, Penny Ling! I gotta get really happy!

(The screen changes to Old Bananas dancing while holding bananas; an orange fume. Blythe making funny faces, an orange fume. Groucho glasses, a white fume. Chittering fake teeth, Penny Ling begins coughing while preserving a pink fume. A singing fish, a green fume. A punch-glove-in-the-box, a yellow fume. On each picture displayed on the screen, Pepper looks more and more exhausted, and her laughing sounds more and more deranged. We transition to Penny Ling coughing uncontrollably and suffocating as the lab is filled with a lethal mixture of fumes. We see her desperately trying to fan away the fumes as her eyes tear up, and we cut to Pepper on the table, looking worse for wear; her eyes are bloodshot, her fur is a mess and she looks crazed from lack of sleep.)

Pepper: (overhears Penny Ling's frantic coughing and sputtering) Penny Ling, what's going on back there?

Penny Ling: (turns to Pepper) All of her scents are mixing together! (coughs, sputters) It's too much!

Pepper: Don't let up! I can't stop until I find my happiest scent!

(Lightning strike. Penny Ling climbs on top of a stool and clutches onto the machine as she begins to choke on the fumes. Her eyes have reddened slightly as tears stream down her cheeks.)

Penny Ling: (coughs) B-but you're... exhausted! A-and the fumes! I beg you, this is not gonna end well for either of us if you don't rest!

Pepper: (strains her voice) Just... one... more!

(Penny Ling reluctantly runs over to a double-lever, which she pulls down using all her strength. This starts a red alert and changes the screen to a caricature of Captain Cuddles against a heart gradient background. Pepper is instantly lovestruck, and her tail noticeably forms a heart shape as she produces a bright pink fume. The fume shoots through a loop in the shape of a heart and drips into Penny Ling's test-tube, creating a heart-shaped explosion.)

Penny Ling: (sniffs the fume with mild astonishment) Mmm! (coughs) Smells like a... (sputters) p-peppermint-rosy... (coughs) cupcake!

Pepper: (swoons at the caricature) Aahhh... at last. (turns to Penny Ling) Quick, Penny Ling! CAP IT!!

(Penny Ling turns to a rack of test-tubes sitting on a table, in front of which lies a wine-bottle cork. A sound byte of her heartbeat is made prominent and grows louder as the scene goes on. As she walks up to the table, she steps on a test-tube lying on the floor, sending her rolling towards the table. She is slammed against the edge, landing on her chest, but the test-tube remains intact. She lets out a series of hacking coughs and nearly asphyxiates, at one point coughing up some blood. As she picks up the cork and uses it to cap the tube, containing the fume, she looks at her own hand and finds a small bloodstain in her fur. As she see it in her POV, her vision has become blurry. We then cut to Pepper laying on her front, exhausted from producing so many fumes.)

Pepper: (pants) Did you... capture it... Penny Ling?

Penny Ling: (feeling dizzy and slightly nauseated, as evident by her struggle to keep her balance) Irk! No...

Pepper: (collapses on the table) Ohh... (facepalms) Why me?

(As Penny Ling leans against a wall and breathes heavily, we zoom in on her fur and fade to a semi-realistic shot of her organs. Here, we witness first-hand her heart struggling to pump more blood. Her heart rate gradually slows down until it stops completely. We cut back to the lab, where Penny Ling puts a hand on her chest, feeling intense pain.)

Penny Ling: (groans) My... chest! (clutches her chest) The pain... unbearable! GAK! Inconceivable! (grunts in pain and collapses to the floor, thriving in agony)

(Penny Ling lets out a prolonged guttural moan, catching the attention of Pepper, who turns to face her panda companion.)

Pepper: (gasps) Penny Ling!

(Pepper crawls off the table and rushes over to Penny Ling.)

Pepper: (pants) Penny Ling, are you okay? What's going on?

(Penny Ling, upon letting out a whooping cough, turns to Pepper, her eyes visibly bloodshot and her heavy breathing reduced to dying wheezes.)

Penny Ling: (coughs and sputters uncontrollably) I... t-told you it was... t-too... much! (lets out another series of hacking coughs)

(Pepper, shielding herself from the onslaught of coughs, peers down at her hands and notices small drops of blood staining the fur of her arms. She stares at the bloodstains on her hands in pure horror, fully realising the gravity of the situation. The weight of her realisation is made more prominent as she begins hyperventilating.)

Pepper: (to herself) Oh, my God! (to Penny Ling, panicking) Penny Ling, I'm so sorry! I didn't know this would happen! You were right all along; I was exhausted, and I didn't know what I was-

(Pepper is cut off by Penny Ling placing a finger on her lips, quietly shushing her. Afterwards, she pulls her in for a hug.)

Pepper: (pants heavily) Penny Ling... what are you...?

Penny Ling: (holds Pepper as tightly as she can) Shhh... (pause) It's alright, P-Pepper. (chokes) All is forgiven.

(Pepper, adhering to Penny Ling's sign of forgiveness, lays her head on her chest as a tear rolls down the side of her face. Another jolt of agonising pain forces Penny Ling to let go and cock her head backwards, sending Pepper to her knees.)

Penny Ling: Ack-cckkk! (strains her voice) I... see a b-bright light!

Pepper: (resumes hyperventilating) Oh, no. (holds Penny Ling's hand) Penny Ling, whatever you do, don't go into the light! Stay with me!

Penny Ling: (her voice grows increasingly raspy) I-it's... okay, Pepper. Let go.

(Pepper reluctantly obliges.)

Penny Ling: (singing a solemn rendition of "Hush, Little Baby")

Hush, little baby, don't say a word

Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird

And if that mockingbird don't sing

''Mama's gonna buy you a... dia...mond...''

(Before Penny Ling can finish her lullaby, her body finally gives out as her eyes roll back into her head. Taking in her last breath, she lets go of her chest and her hand drops in front of Pepper. Pepper is left mortified as her tears stain her fur.)

Pepper: (quietly) Penny... Ling?

(Pepper picks up her arm and takes her pulse. She fails to find one and drops her arm in disbelief.)

Pepper: (resumes panting) Oh, no. No! Not now!

(Pepper places her hands on Penny Ling's chest and begins doing chest compressions in a desperate attempt to revive her.)

Pepper: Come on, Penny Ling! Speak to me! This isn't funny anymore!

(Taking her hands off Penny Ling's chest, Pepper pinches her nose and takes a deep breath before giving her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. She repeats the process a few times before finally giving up, taking a moment to stare at her body.)

Pepper: (breaks down in tears) No... Penny Ling... what have I done??

(Wracked with guilt, Pepper collapses on top of Penny Ling's body, crying loudly. Her crying is muffled by the fact that she is laying face-down on Penny Ling's chest. As she grieves over her panda friend, she unknowingly kicks the lone test-tube from earlier, which serves as a transition back to the day camp, where Blythe and the rest of the pets sniff the fume that has filled the room.)

Blythe: (amazed) Wow, Pepper! That smells fantastic! (the smiles fade on her and the pets' faces) Uhm, Pepper?

(We pan over to the other side of the room, where Pepper is rolling over on the floor, faintly moaning and crying. Zoe Trent steps forward.)

Zoe Trent: Oh, my! What's wrong with Pepper? She's not usually like this.

Blythe: (lifts Pepper from the floor) I have no idea. Maybe I should take her to the vet. It's only a short walk away.

Russell Ferguson: Wait a minute! What about the Internation Pet Fashion Expo? Do you know how long it took me to piece this costume together?

Blythe: Calm down there, Russell. Just lemme take care of Pepper first, and we'll see what happens. Okay?

(Russell nods. Blythe prepares to leave with Pepper in her arms when Minka comes up to a comatose Penny Ling, the latter of whom looks like she's been knocked out by Pepper's fumes as evident by the saliva dripping from her mouth.)

Minka Mark: (noticably concerned) Guys... is Penny Ling alright?

(Blythe turns her head and spots Penny Ling on the floor, then walks up to Minka and kneels down to pick up her body.)

Blythe: Hmm, I think I'll take Penny Ling with me too, just to be on the safe side. She's not looking too good herself.

(Blythe begins leaving the day camp, holding Pepper and Penny Ling in her arms. Pepper looks at Penny Ling's limp body and starts crying in Blythe's arms, fueling the latter's concern for the two pets. We fade out on Blythe walking through the door of the day camp.)

(End of Act 1.)

Act 2
(We fade in on Mrs. Twombly cleaning the counter of Littlest Pet Shop. Just then, she spots Blythe leaving the day camp with Pepper and Penny Ling in her arms.)

Mrs. Twombly: Hey, Blythe! Where are you going?

Blythe: I'm going to take Pepper and Penny Ling to the vet. Pepper won't stop crying and Penny Ling... well, she's not looking like herself.

Mrs. Twombly: Oh, dear! Go right on ahead, but do hurry back. You don't wanna be late for the International Pet Fashion Expo, do you?

Blythe: I sure hope not. (leaves Littlest Pet Shop and hears Pepper crying) It's okay, Pepper. The vet's only a short walk away.

(Five minutes later...)

Blythe: (reaches the vet's entrance and pants) Well, so much for "short walk".

(Blythe enters the vet reception to find a new character, Dr. Edmond Timpson, speaking on the phone with his supervisor.)

Dr. Timpson: Hold on, what do you mean "tomorrow"? No, no!