Damnen

Damnen is a land-locked territory in the upper section of Ecken. It is home to three million people. The state has beautiful geography ranging from Mount Fitosis to Bend Canyon.

Prehistoric times
Around 3000 B.C., five humans got lost at sea. They drank seawater from a wooden contraption that removed salt until they reached an island what is now called Ecken. They walked to find Egypt, but they landed in Damnen instead. Damnen was south of a territory that had a coast. By about 2700 B.C., there were 12 generations living here. The dead were buried in a cemetery spot (KZ38) below Bend Canyon.

1500s colonization
In December 1501, there was a shipwreck and the men on the boat found Ecken a few days later. Due to previous exploration, there were hundreds of humans already. By then, the men were starving. The men tried to teach the children and adults how to write, but they wrote in hieroglyphics. The men realized this was a scientific opportunity and taught them to write in Early Modern English. In early 1503, they were finished and they were taken to the men's country. However, the men died because they drank seawater, and they sent messages in bottles in Early Modern English. It drifted in the ocean until 1510, when someone curiously found it and managed to rescue them. The rescuer was a friend of those men and got all of the hieroglyphics. In 1514, the Egyptian pyramids were decoded using those children.

In 1532, Damnen was rediscovered by someone sending a message in a bottle. The message in a bottle was used to study hydrostatics, a branch of fluid mechanics, which in turn was a branch of physics. Damnen was claimed by the Asians and United States, though they engaged in a war and there were 1 million casualties. Pereant became settled due to the sun hitting the trees and providing warm sunlight to the houses. A 19 year old man named Tut wrote in his diary (March 17, 1533, Volume 45): "These children adore my ancient alabaster jars. I hath gotten them from an Asian soldier who had hurt his Leg badly.". In late 1533, explorers from Pereant stumbled to a forest and discovered more people were there. They got clay souvenirs and Pereant was amazed by the beautiful artwork in the souvenirs that an urban legend says that they gazed upon it forever until their death. In August 1534, Brazilians explored the country and Damnen went from about fifty thousand people to seventy thousand people.

About 70 years later, William Shakespeare went to Damnen and performed his play "Henry VI, Part 3" there. Tut said in volume 542 in his diary: "William Shakespere (sic) Performed at Damnen today. His Play was Henry VI, Part 3. I loved his Performance of the Play. And yet methinks your Grace hath not done well. From Tut." The "And yet methinks your Grace hath not done well" was a quote from William Shakespeare. Damnen was very good, despite the fact that it was a territory on the Asian and El Kadsreian island of Ecken.

El Kadsre took over Damnen a few days before that, and it was considered an El Kadsreian island until 3 days after William Shakespeare's performance. Tut wrote in volume 543, page 2, of his diary: "Methinks that El Kadsre has Declared that Ecken is not part of them anymore. Grace hath done well, contradicting what I hath said in the Last Volume, Volume 543.".

Tut dies
Tut was an important figure for all of Damnen's schools, since Tut had a lot of diaries from 1527-1603. On December 29, 1602, 3 days before his death when a New Year's firework landed in his mouth, he wrote in volume 571, page 168: "Methinks that New Year's is coming. Oh, New Year! 1603 is the Year when I will turn 89! I will turn 89 on January 3rd. Yay! -- from Tut, December 29th, 1602". He wrote his last entry on January 1, 1603 at Volume 572, page 10-23, and he described how cheerful it was. The diary was interrupted by the firework at Volume 572, page 23 (V572P23): "A firework came bouncing at me during the choir. The Lawes of Damnen did not allow us to move during this, and the firework landed in my mouth before it exploded...NO! I'M DYING!". Tut's diary abruptly ended. The next day, Tut's 3 grown-up children (Richard, Philip, Anne) and wife (Agnes) wanted to make diaries.

Their diaries started on January 3, 1603, at Volume 572, page 24. Richard said: "Today I read my father Tut's will. Hath we not read his will, I would hath not known that, in his will, he bequeath'd ownership of our House to me. It has been two days since Tut's death. I am Richard, Tut's eldest son. We walk'd around the Gardens of the House and I look'd at the Petunias, but my mother, Agnes, kept us walking. We saw poore men living near our House but dismiss'd it.". Phillip, Anne, and Agnes had similar descriptions too. Their first diary entries ended at Volume 572, page 61.

The Damnen Purchase
On January 2, 1603, Feindbéis Aagot Machensson, Tut's diary enemy, got revenge on him by making himself a legal entity ("LegalEntity(Feindbéis)" in Damnen's History in Code (DHIC)) and declaring the Damnen Purchase ("appendChild(Damnen)" and "var purchase=1" in DHIC) upon Damnen. Ecken's other territories rushed to save them, but they were too late. Damnen was now a Machenssonian island. The Machenssonians were grateful that Feindbéis gifted Damnen to them.

Howeve, in an attempt to get Damnen back, Ecken annexed Damnen in March 1603. The Damnen Annexation Constitution was created and they sent it to Feindbéis. It was slow, and they received Feindbéis's reply on June 1, 1603. Feindbéis said that he constituted the policy and that they should have it back when he dies. Feindbéis was only 87 and in healthy condition, but when Feindbéis was sleeping on October 5, 1603, Feindbéis was attacked by Damnen and was killed. They put seawater into his body so that the royal autopsy would say that he died of seawater poisoning. Their plan worked, and Ecken was glad to have Damnen back. But the Constitution of Damnen was missing.

Meanwhile, Machenssonians were figuring out who killed their leader. They were sure that the killer had Damnen ancestry and wanted their territory back. The only piece of evidence they had was this piece of paper: "To Die, to sleep, is that all?". They went into Damnen, searching for the Shakespeare book it was from. Nothing was found. It is said that Richard killed Feindbéis. That is true, as Richard said (in Volume 595, page 129): "I lower'd toward ready-to-Die but asleepe (sic) Machensson and aim'd my Leg at him. "Target reach'd.", I soliloquy'd to Mesels (sic, meant Meself but changed to "Mesels" because of long s confusion). I kick'd him and put seawater to Poison him. This was a Goode and successful Plan."

On October 21, 1603, Walter Blow published his first play, named "The Killing of Machensson". It was 318,587 words long and it had 367 pages (a modern version is usually 1,836 pages). The Machensson Declaration of Independence was sadly read during Machensson's funeral on October 23, 1603. His casket was carried along, with seawater spilled all over him (Agnes writes in Volume 601, page 5 that "Machjnfvn (sic) had bvrst wjth seawater spjll'd all ouer hjm, and hjs Fvte (sic) was stvcke jn hjs Cvfsjn (sic, originally coffin but supposed to be casket)"). Machensson was finally dead ("var Machensson = 0" in DHIC).

The next day, Ecken created the Annexed Constitution of Damnen and Oeria. Oeria was a mistake, and they became rivals because of their same population size. The Ecken Congress wrote a law to forbid it, but (this event is in Volume 604, page 37) the President of Ecken threw the bill in the trash when spilling his authentic goat tea in it. The Ecken Congress sent a letter to the foreign goat tea manufacturer and made a law that goat tea was banned. (One of Richard's relatives was from a different country and was able to sent fresh goat tea to them.) Teamaids lost their jobs and became milkmaids. Richard was discovered drinking goat tea in public, however he was not arrested due to his diary (in Volume 610, page 104).

Meanwhile, Agnes wrote this (Volume 610, page 141): "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal.". They got the idea to write a Bible from the content of Tut's diary. The idea was described in Volume 612, page 24: "Suddenly, I got an idea. I could make a Bible out of Tut's diary! I discuss'd it to Richard, Anne, and Agnes.". It is said that Phillip got the idea for it, and it is true, because it omits Phillip in that excerpt from Volume 612, page 24. The Bible started production around the time Volume 634, page 165 was written.

Tut's Bible
The first entries of Tut's Bible was this (Tut Genesis 1:1): "Thy hath Me Diarie. Me will use thy Diarie evry Day in Me Life from thou Daye in 1527. Me eies gaze upon my Newe Diarie, and Me knowe that Me shall use it until me pithe causes Me Death & Me Dies. Me wanted to share how Me get thou art Diarie." Tut Genesis 1:2 is this: "At thou Booke-seller, a brand newe Diarie gazed to Me eyes. It scream'd doth hath to Me shulde hath thye Diarie. Me go'd to begge Me Mother as somme (sic, some) Figge leafes (sic) land'd in Thye Booke (thou Diarie). While Me Mother agr'd (agreed) to Me doth Begges to Buye thye Diarie, & hath thou Daye soe (sic) hath thys end'd up in Me's thou art Handes. Me loue thys Diarie.". The bible had "Gratia primilegio docet caelo cognoscas Deo." on its title page.

Around this time, the village of Skinner was founded. It only had a couple of houses but peasants were regularly brought here for finding land, and since the land was good at growing crops, peasants populated Skinner, and it became a town in late 1605. The sayings "The properties of peas in ham are good" and "Three brothers shred wet fern lights" originated in sermons (February 15, 1606) from St. Tifton's Church around Damnen. Paul Truman and Walter Blow worked with each other to make a play called "Peasants of Thee!" a few months after. Around that time, peasants started to make goat tea farms (Volume 679, page 77 in Tut's Diary which was renamed to "The Odafiro Diary" a few weeks before: "I spott'd a goat tea farme near the Towne of Skinner. It was cleare to me that borne was thys Farme thee held ye bann'd goat tea in Damnen, Ecken."). Shortly after, chicken laid eggs in goat tea. The strange behaviour was noticed, but they noticed when a chicken laid an egg in goat tea, it exploded within a 2 meter radius and soon after, yolks were all over the place. However, on June 29, 1606, a chicken laid a large egg. When the egg hatched, it was a normal chick. But, at around three weeks of age, the chick's head started to turn white, and then the chick's legs started to grow and the body started growing and surpassed the average size of a grown chicken. Suddenly, it ate grass and made eggs full of goat cheese instead of yolks. The eggs full of goat cheese were called sowre eggs, since the goat cheese inside of the eggs were noted to have a tangier taste than normal goat cheese. But the Damnen sea limes were the tangiest.

The Goat-Chick
At seven weeks and three days of age, on September 19, 1606, as the peasants were carrying the new goat tea, there appeared what was large and was partially covered in chicken feathers. It was a goat-chick! The goat-chick dropped a large egg with yellow goat cheese. The yellow goat cheese made on that day exceeded the Damnen sea lime on the Stockbridge scale (a scale that measured how sour and salty a thing was). The yellow goat cheese was about 1,500,000 Stockbridge tangy units (STU). A day after, the goat-chick laid another egg filled with tangier goat cheese. The goat-chick laid three eggs on that day. One was saved for science purposes. That one hatched on November 27, 1606, being a yellow goat. During the last few days of it being inside an egg, the egg became worn out and developed massive bumps. The massive bumps were actually goat cheese eggs. The newborn's goat cheese inside those eggs were tangier than the adult's yellow goat cheese. The goat cheese was up to 5,000,000 STU. However, a few days left, the ones who ate those became sick. They were examined by professional doctors and they discovered a new virus called "royal virus", named after their crowns seen in their new microscopes (called coronavirus today). The doctors were paid 1,000 dollars (1,527,483.97 dollars in today's money) for their new discovery.

Around that time, the adult goat-chick was named Halvor. One day, Halvor spotted a dusty book on the ground. His claws reached out and held it, but he feared that he would scratch the antique book. He tapped his claws and started to bleat, only he said "Meh-doo!", since Halvor was a goat-chicken (having grown out of being a goat-chick because he was mature that he could bleat). Halvor became surrounded by humans. One woman, Agnes, bent down and held the book. Agnes opened the book. It was rare since it was the first draft of a play by Walter Blow and Hans Kammerer, made in 1588. It was 1627 and Halvor was worn down and old, living 3 years older than any ordinary goat and 11 years older than any ordinary chicken. The peasants gathered around the book. Halvor's son was named Dennis Lambert Halvorsson, and at that time Halvor had many grandsons. 245, to be exact. I can't name all of them, as some of their birth certificates were destroyed when Halvor died in 1641. I will tell you about that event later. On December 10, 1631, ten years before Halvor's death, Halvor showed signs of dying for the first time, but since this was the first-born goat-chicken and that all the other goat-chicken were in good health, they didn't notice. His bleat became slower like an old-aged person, and they thought that Halvor had a sore throat. Halvor now walked in Damnen's jungles and rainforests as he had matured. Halvor kept coughing and coughing for 10 years, even in his sleep (one day when he was sleeping he laid eggs with salmon and aspic in them).

On May 6th, 1641, Halvor, who had wrinkled skin, stopped breathing. His last breath was breathed when someone opened a wooden cup. The cup was sealed. Halvor's heart was beating. Suddenly, his pulse became slower and slower, and at about 1:56 am on May 7th, 1641, Halvor died. The ones who witnessed it felt a transparent thing (his soul) touch them and carry the cup. The witnesses saw the transparent thing turn white and say "I'm going to heaven. Goodbye. Meh-doo!" before it turned transparent again and floated into the sky. At about 2:00 am, Halvor's body was declared dead and the goat's autopsy was performed. His brain was extracted and put in another wooden cup. Goat eggs in development were there. They had soft shells with goat cheese spilling out of it. They were coated in skatole, which was usual since his almost-digested food was next to it. Whenever the wind came, the food was digested more and at 8:24 am, a post-death poop was made. It had more skatole than any other poop, so as a joke, the poop was distributed to Skinner's residents and visitors. Halvor's body was buried in Baird Cemetery, a new cemetery for goat-chickens and goat-chicken. Richard Ó Duibhdhíormaigh was a resident in the neighbouring town of Ronsburg. He was close to the cemetery and saw the funeral happen with his own eyes looking out of the window of his home. He was not invited. His eyes filled with tears, only that they were not tears. They were pearls. Suddenly, Richard saw the casket move. "Richard!", it called, and Richard was shocked. The casket closed and mumbled, "Meh-doo!" (it was muffled). The casket moved again and the transparent thing flew up into heaven at amazing speed (Volume 7,986, page 196 in the Odafiro Diary, which had multiple authors at that time).

The next week, the Odafiro Diary's authors gathered around a cake, They blew out the candles and got the manuscript for their diary out. It said: "Volume 8,000, page 1". It started ordinarily for the next two volumes and a half, but at Volume 8,002, page 129, Richard's eldest son's (Riggo's) entry said: "Party time. We gather'd round a delicious Cake and blew out Eight Candles.". Shenny Blow (the son of Walter Blow) had an entry too, but it was just a mini-play (a play but smaller than an average play). The mini-play had this sonnet:
 * 1) We gather'd round our Cake
 * 2) And candles thee God Bakes
 * 3) We blew Thou Eight Candles out
 * 4) And we recit'd, "We're all about.".


 * 1) Thys sonnet of Sixteen lines,
 * 2) Eight times Two lines, in fact,
 * 3) Eight is thy number of Candles, to be exact,
 * 4) And we were happy, for which we had Eight Thousand Volumes.


 * 1) I hath a Right to be Happy,
 * 2) My Braine also has thou Right,
 * 3) And thys Time, we chose to be Happy,
 * 4) And it was very Goode.


 * 1) Eight Thousand Volumes, we are proud of our Ancestors
 * 2) Including Tut, who start'd this Diarie,
 * 3) Grateful that it was not Crier Night,
 * 4) And we turn'd on the Light.

The Eight Thousandth Volume Party
They partied all night. The night was a little restless and happy, and at 2:38 am, they slept. The eight thousandth volume party ended officially at 11:00 am, when they woke up (since the sleeping was a part of the party). They were happy. Around that time, Baroque music was terrible in Damnen. Crays (the descendants of Vikings and Luxembourgish South Americans and 10 percent Africans but 30 percent Native American) became terrible and inflicted rotten wounds with eggshells and splinters.

Fishes/Fish
Damnen is well known for having a lot of European bitterlings, black basses, and trouts.

The Chat Message
On June 19, 1999, there was a message in a chat: "The thing the water never flows, is the guard and the first. The end is end, and the end is what it is. Minus the end of end, but the start of end is three, then two. That is where I live. They fought against our Perūn, When petunias began to bloom, On the fourth of February, the switch; It was made by an avast witch. The placing of the 190 began in tens; It became more and more dense. The year was hidden; You'll notice if you're bed-ridden. Are you clever If you are, The solution is in my car One extra letter I forgot to put in, Don't come around and be looting, Sometime you will be tooting It's near the archipelago. That is where I live, Once the insane country, invasive. The first part rhymes, The second part times, The third part is a crime, The fourth part is our limes, The fifth part is our dimes, The sixth part is our pastimes. Lamcloxtelc, Koindoo, Damnen."

Books
The authors in Damnen write very long books, like "Back in 1958" by John Vogt (3,738 pages), "Lambskins and Leather" by Abraham Henry (5,017 pages), ...