Robocalls & telemarketers calling me

 is a VidSpace video by PenguineCuisine consisting of several robocall & telemarketer calls that went to his voicemail.

Transcript

 * (LANCE'S ANSWERING MACHINE)
 * You have 15 new messages. (Beep) Playing all messages.
 * (BEEP)
 * (FIRST ROBOCALL - TRAVEL REWARDS SCAM)
 * Hi, this is Alicia, I'm a vacation specialist calling on a recorded line, I'm in the rewards department. Can you hear me okay?
 * (BEEP)
 * (SECOND ROBOCALL - HOMEOWNERS SCAM)
 * Hi, this is Naomi, I'm a homeowners associate calling on a recorded line in regards to safety concerns within your home. Can you hear me okay?
 * (BEEP)
 * (THIRD ROBOCALL - TECH SUPPORT SCAM #1)
 * Hello this is Morgan, I'm a tech support specialist calling on a recorded line. Can you hear me okay?
 * (BEEP)
 * (FOURTH ROBOCALL - CREDIT CARD-RELATED SCAM)
 * Hello this is Josh in the credit department on a recorded line, how are you doing today?
 * (BEEP)
 * (FIFTH ROBOCALL - SOCIAL BENEFITS SCAM)
 * Hi, this is Tracy on a recorded line, and I show here that you recently inquired about your eligibility for Social Security disability benefits. How are you today?
 * (BEEP)
 * (SIXTH ROBOCALL - CHINESE CONSULATE SCAM)
 * 这里是中國領事館，明明有一份文件尚未领取，抵达当天请别再相关证件过来领取消与新巨大需求，需咨询请按一按钮旋风为您服务. (Rough English translation: This is the Chinese Consulate. Obviously there is a document that has not been collected. Please do not come over the relevant documents on the day of arrival to receive cancellations and new huge needs. If you need to consult, please press the one-button whirlwind to serve you.)
 * (BEEP)
 * (SEVENTH ROBOCALL - FREE VACATION SCAM #1 - Just because I stay in hotels when doing mascot costume work outside of Ohio doesn't mean I stayed in one of your resorts, I stay mostly in motels.)
 * I am so sorry about that, I was um, having a little problem with my headset. Anyway, my name is Emily and I'm calling because you stayed at one of our resorts in the past, and you qualify for a 75% savings on an amazing four day, three night vacation getaway in magical Orlando, Florida AND a three day two night stay in sunny South Florida where you will then depart on a fabulous two night cruise to the Bahamas! And as an added bonus, you will receive an unlimited mileage rental car so you can visit all the attractions! Now here's the best part, we're going to include your breakfast lunch and dinner for your entire vacation as well as your entertainment onboard the cruise! And I only have a few questions to ask before I transfer you to a personal travel coordinator who will give you all of the details on your vacation, okay? (BEAT) I-I'm so sorry I didn't hear you clearly. (BEAT) Can I ask you a few questions before I transfer you to a personal travel coordinator who will give you all the details on your amazing vacation? (BEAT) Can I ask you a few questions before I transfer you to a personal travel coordinator who will give you all the details on your amazing vacation?
 * (BEEP)
 * (EIGHTH ROBOCALL - SEXTORTION, ONE OF THE WORST SCAMS! - And I get my prescriptions at CVS, not on sketchy online stores.)
 * This is a warning to whom it may concern. We have hacked your cellphone using malware we installed onto your phone when you visited a online drug store. We have been watching you for about 8 months. We know a s[BOING] scandal won’t be the best thing for you or your career right now, or would it? We think we can make you a p[BOING] superstar. Since we already know your daily routine, why not give us a chance so we can let you know what we want from you and why we hacked your cell phone to spy on you? If you wish to keep this a secret and for us to uninstall the malware, please visit us at www.[BOING].com within 10 minutes, or else we will distribute the explicit imagery on your social media sites and to your family and co-workers. Please do not disregard this message. Thank you.
 * (BEEP)
 * (NINTH ROBOCALL - SPANISH TECH SUPPORT SCAM)
 * Hola, te llamamos desde el departamento de reembolsos de Microsoft. Si recuerda que tiene un contacto con nosotros para obtener asistencia y servicios informáticos, desafortunadamente estamos cerrando el negocio. Puede llamarnos para obtener el reembolso de la cantidad de dinero que pagó. Para reclamar su reembolso, llámenos al [BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING]. Repito el [BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING]. O presione 1 para hablar con un ejecutivo. Gracias. (Translation: Hello, we are you calling you from the Microsoft refund department. If you remember you have a contact with us for computer support and services, unfortunately we are closing the business. You can give us a call for the refund of the amount of money you payed. To claim your refund, please call us on [BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING]. I repeat [BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING]. Or press 1 to talk with an executive. Thank you.)
 * (BEEP)
 * (TENTH ROBOCALL - ONLINE JOBS SCAM)
 * Hello Max Brown here giving you a call back regarding your application for the online data entry position from home. Please visit our recruitment website [BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING]. The number [BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING]. I posted a short two minute video explaining the position and what you need to do to apply. Again [BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING]. Thank you.
 * (BEEP)
 * (ELEVENTH ROBOCALL - TECH SUPPORT SCAM #2)
 * My name is [BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING]. I'm calling you from the Microsoft refund department. Please do not hang up you have paid for your computer technical support few months ago. We are calling to refund your money as the company has been ordered to close. Again please call our toll free number [BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING] to get your refund. Repeating again [BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING]. Thank you.
 * (BEEP)
 * (TWELFTH ROBOCALL - SOCIAL SECURITY SCAM)
 * We have been trying to reach you. This call is officially a final notice from SSA - that is Social Security Administration. This call is to inform you that we have got an order to suspend your social security number on immediate basis because we have found suspicious and fraudulent activities on your social. To get more information about this case file please call immediately on our department number [BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING]. I repeat it's [BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING]. Thank you.
 * (BEEP)
 * (THIRTEENTH ROBOCALL - AUTOMOTIVE SCAM)
 * Hi this is Justin I'm a senior executive in our automotive department on a recorded line. Can you hear me okay?
 * (BEEP)
 * (FOURTEENTH ROBOCALL - SOME KIDS SCREWING AROUND WITH CALLER ID SPOOFING)
 * I AM SATAN AND YOU ARE DOOMED! YOU WILL BURN IN HELL FOREVER! (long beat) I SAID YOU WILL BURN IN HELL FOREVER! (longer beat) I SAID... oh screw it this prank's ruined man... *sigh* why'd it have to go to f(BOING)ng voicema-
 * (BEEP)
 * (FIFTEENTH ROBOCALL - IRS SCAM)
 * -vestigation team of IRS. We have just received a notification regarding your tax filings from the headquarters which will get expired in the next 24 working hours and once it get expired after that you will be taken under custody by the local cops as there are four serious allegations pressed on your name at this moment. We would request you to get back to us so that we can discuss about this case before taking any legal action against you. The number to reach us is [BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING]. I repeat [BOINGBOINGBOINGBOINGBOING]. Thank you.
 * (BEEP)
 * (LANCE'S ANSWERING MACHINE)
 * End of message playback.