Fictional Cinema Snob episodes/Whodunnit? A Share a Story Musical Mystery

Transcript

 * The Snob: Wonder what happened when PBS Kids decided to throw all it's characters and personalities at the big screen for the first, and last, time? Boom! Critics hated it but audiences liked it on Rotten Tomatoes! A Razzie nomination! Dennis Anderson was in a PBS Kids movie again! Cinema Snob episode!
 * (Title card continues from then on 'till the Snob reappears)
 * The Snob: Wait, I already used that joke in the Bionicle: The Next Generation review! Nevermind, this film is bad enough already. (Takes the DVD out of his jacket sleeve) And this has box cover reviews... again!
 * (Cut to the box cover reviews)
 * The Snob: This is a newer copy from, like, 2017, which I found in a bargain bin, and we already have a goddamn Dove review! What's this said by Amy Tan? "This movie is the one your kids should see to help them learn about reading." God damn it Amy! You already had a PBS movie and at least that one was decent!
 * (Cut to the Snob holding the DVD)
 * The Snob: It least it isn't as divisive as her Twitter feed.
 * (Bushwhacked stinger)
 * (Cut back to the box cover reviews)
 * The Snob: The movie was reviewed so bad, they ran out of film critics, notable authors, and folks involved in production to review it, so here's a quote from one of the characters! "This movie was such a fun journey!" says Sagwa, cause of course she'd say that, she is to Caillou what Saturday the 14th was to Friday the 13th!
 * (Cut to the Rotten Tomatoes page)
 * The Snob: And look, one of the very few positive remarks on Rotten Tomatoes was possibly left by a special ed teacher!
 * (Samuel Goldwyn Films logo appears)
 * The Snob: Due to this film's "success", I'm highly certain this, Zoom! into a Musical Mystery, and Saving Christmas are in the same universe.
 * (PBS Kids Movies "Doink! Button" logo appears)
 * The Snob: And it's fitting enough that the PBS Kids Boy and Girl are trying to kill each other with shapeshifting powers...
 * (Cut to Digit, Zak and Wheezie, some kids, and They Might Be Giants at a Tower Records)
 * Digit: Hey kids! I'm Digit from Cyberchase, and this is Zak and Wheezie from Dragon Tales!
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: I'm not calling you Digit! You're This Ain't Iago, A Triple X Character Parody!
 * (Cut to the kids, Digit, Zak and Wheezie, and TMBG talking)
 * The Snob: They talk about the mission of the Share A Story campaign and what it intends to have kids ready to do.
 * (Cut to the opening dance number)
 * TMBG: Share A Story (2x), come on!
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: HOW ARE YOU PLAYING? Your instruments aren't even plugged in!
 * (Credits play over the dance number)
 * The Snob: And it's nice enough that this was based off a promotional campaign for PBS Kids, and I'm glad to know that the animated characters had their animation done by a rejected Nick Jr. pilot! Wait, Alan Smithee? What is he doing here as the co-writer along with Family Guy writer Cherry Cheva? That's like a writer of The Simpsons working on a Nick Jr. movie! Alright, well Alan was used here as a pseudonym for then-Corporation for Public Broadcasting chairman of the board Kenneth Tomlinson, who is also credited as an executive producer, and given Kenneth is more known for trying to turn PBS into This Ain't Fox News, A Triple X TV Channel Parody, I guess he knew what he was doing!
 * (Cut to the dance number finishing)
 * The Snob: And then Jeff from Rock It's Your Decision came and tried to warn them of the evils of rock music, only to be struck down and killed by a passing motorist who was just trying to get to work, given that everyone was pogoing in the middle of the god-damn road!
 * (Cut to the Barnaby B. Busterfield III Library, where Theo Lion is helping Elmo read a book)
 * The Snob: Meanwhile at the most annoying McDonald's I've ever been to, some furry is trying to help Elmo work on his reading skills!
 * Theo Lion: You see, Sagwa changed a rule, thought she made a mistake, but it turned out all good in the end!
 * Elmo: Wow! Elmo like this!
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: You're not Elmo! You're Charles von Fitzdingle!
 * (Cut to Elmo and Theo staring at the book)
 * The Snob: What in God's name could even happen next?
 * (Sagwa pops out of the book)
 * Sagwa: Ni hao Elmo! Ni hao Theo!
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: How the f*** did Sagwa get out of that book?