Fictional Bum Reviews/I'm Not Ashamed

Transcript

 * Announcer: And now it's time for Bum Reviews... with Chester A. Bum. Tonight's review... I'm Not Ashamed.
 * Chester: OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!
 * Chester: Do you still believe in-SPOILERS!
 * Chester: There's this girl, called Rachel Scott, and her parents have gotten a divorce, and she sees her dad leave in the middle of the night!
 * Chester: I... never suffered through a divorce. I was born in Ireland while divorce was illegal there, dad just murdered mom to get away from her.
 * Chester: So her sister becomes emo and her mom becomes poor, but Rachel holds together her family with her faith! But then Rachel becomes rebellious and does un-Christian things!
 * Chester: There's also these guys called Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, who are being bullied by the jocks!
 * Chester: I was a jock when I was in high school! Except I didn't give the nerds wedgies, I smoked their underwear instead. It was very fabric-y.
 * Chester: So later in the year Rachel begins to be involved with the drama club head, named Alex, and they kiss during a rehearsal. Hooray!