Fictional Cinema Snob episodes/Bionicle VII: Sea of Darkness

Transcript

 * The Snob: What the f***, I thought Bionicle VI sent the franchise elsewhere than El Kadsre, now it's going under the sea? They're really trying to recoup the budget of a successful movie that did not fail!
 * (Title card)
 * The Snob: From the father of one of the creators of that new cartoon based off that one book featured on Reading Rainbow, comes Bionicle VII: Sea of Darkness, the next entry in the Technic Heroes franchise, clearly because the last entry was too f***ing cool to rehash off land! And first, I shall review the Rinava music video that came on my DVD, aka the version that was in every $5 DVD bin here in the States in the mid-2000's! But this video wasn't just shown in theaters either, it kicks off the bonus features in every physical copy of the movie. This is actually their best step forward in promoting their ripoff Devo music.
 * (Rinava begin performing)
 * Ryu Judoku: Look at you, fightin' for your rights!
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: I'm glad El Kadsre brought us This Ain't The Beastie Boys, A Triple X Band Parody.
 * (Cut to Kenelm Clarkson placing the PG-13 rating over the screen)
 * The Snob: One of the band members then advises us of the rating by ripping off the "R rating" scene from Student Bodies, by placing it on the screen and having an obvious cut to the film's actual rating card! Screw this, onto the actual movie!
 * (Cut to the Miramax logo)
 * The Snob: Once again, Weinstein Effect Releasing brought this film Stateside...
 * (Cut to the John 15:13 verse displayed onscreen)
 * The Snob: ...and- what the f***, when did Pure Flix buy out El TV Kadsre?
 * (Cut to the opening credits)
 * The Snob: This time Pasi and Sung had the producer of the last movie join them in bringing this insanity to life!
 * (Cut to a bus driving through an empty road)
 * The Snob: We see a group of people heading towards MURC, aka: This Ain't Amity Island, A Triple X Location Parody.
 * (Cut to the gang walking through the MURC)
 * The Snob: Ryota Maximino, Akita's father, has hired our six teenagers to work at the MURC.
 * Akita: You know Irwin, you kinda are like one of those anarchist freakshows.
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: Why are the Bionicle films' go to-human villains always anarchists?
 * (Cut back to the gang working at the MURC)
 * The Snob: Is Sung Gim a Time Lady? Are the later Bionicle films her warning us of the constant catfights between the left and right in the current 2010's American political society seeping into everything else as of late? But of course, the Vlokozu Union was a socialist nation that strongly discouraged anarchism to the point of their leader, Michael Vlokozu, having an unhealthy obsession with making anarchists look bad.
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: Also, I think this would be the time B***ard Film Brain would intervene and talk about his knowledge on the subject only to reveal that he's banged one of my female relatives... but I think I won't have my life made miserable by him for a while because he's gonna be in jail like creepy Walt was.
 * (As the Snob says "I think I won't have my life made miserable by him for a while because he's gonna be in jail like creepy Walt was", we cut to a photoshopped Twitter post from the Hollywood Reporter revealing Film Brain's been arrested for masturbating during a Kidtoon matinee)
 * (Cut back to the gang working at the MURC)
 * Danny: Look guys-
 * Akita: What Dan-Dan?
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: I get it, you wanna make the attendees demand that Danny and Akita f*** each other!
 * (Cut to the Mask of Life descending into the underwater basement near the MURC, then cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: What? Meanwhile, in the cursed videotape from The Ring!
 * (Cut to the Barraki working on the ocean floor)
 * TBA: Will you hurry along?
 * TBA: *roars*
 * TBA: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT!
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: Of course the Bionicle are on the bottom of the sea in the Vlokozu Union, the series is their equivalent to Superman!
 * (Cut to the Barraki discussing the Mask of Life, and then the MURC staff trying to locate it)
 * The Snob: The Mask of Life has landed into a underwater basement near the MURC, and everyone wants it, probably to sell it on eBay so they can scrounge up money to develop better CGI that wasn't made by two groups of four or six f***ing people.
 * (Cut to the Kato family arriving at the MURC)
 * The Snob: We're introduced the Kato family: Hikaru, Kenta, Miyu, Etsuko, Masaru, Sachiko, and Suzu. Suzuki got a little caught up in a Monster Jam event.
 * (As the Snob says that, we cut to a photo of the Team Suzuki Monster Jam truck, and then we go back to the film)
 * Sachiko: Look at this place!
 * Suzu: So big!
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: What? Speaking of Sachiko, she was played by Naoki Takenaka, who was Dorami in the English dub of the 70's Doraemon anime, and Naoki's IMDB photo is so Kawaii it hurts!
 * (As the Snob mentions Dorami, a picture of her is shown, and a screencap of Naoki's IMDB is shown as he mentions it)