Fictional Cinema Snob episodes/Dongwa's Movie!

Transcript

 * The Snob: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
 * (Title card)
 * The Snob: Why can't PBS Kids stop it with the bad kids movies! At least Sagwa: The Movie was decent, but they didn't need to do a sequel!
 * (Cut to the film's poster)
 * The Snob: The poster sums it up well: "Sagwa's big brother goes on an adventure to the greatest treasure ever known: friendship!"
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: My finger goes on an adventure to the greatest treasure ever known: the eject button.
 * (Cut to clips from the movie)
 * The Snob: The film was originally intended for the Barokian market, but was released first and produced in English to make more money and to recoup the budget of the box office failure of the previous PBS Kids Movie: Open A Book! The Reading Rainbow Movie.
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: Also, you may be wondering, why the f*** I am reviewing all the PBS Kids Movies? Well... it's because I admit to watching Sagwa, the Chinese Siamese Cat because felines, and because my new roommate is a retired kindergarten teacher who is in control of the TV as of late, and all we've watched are the 2000's PBS Kids shows, and this was before Ready Jet Go! and that Odd Squad thing nerds are raving about.
 * (Cut to Laura dressed as a kindergarten teacher)
 * Laura: All right Mr. Dawn, do you want to send a letter to Bob the Builder or The Wiggles?
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: GRRRRRRR! BOB THE BUILDER ISN'T REAL AND THE WIGGLES HAVE SINCE REPLACED EVERYONE EXCEPT THE BLUE GUY!
 * (Cut to the Samuel Goldwyn Films logo)
 * The Snob: Samuel Goldwyn better not bring me any more of these god damn PBS Kids Movies!
 * (Cut to the PBS Kids Movies logo)
 * The Snob: Wait, no! I said no!
 * (Cut to the opening credits)
 * The Snob: The film was written by voice actress Feyrouz Oshiro, who was voiced Sharon Spitz in a couple dubs of Braceface, that cartoon that aired on Fox Family for like five seconds back in the early 2000's. It took 3 people to direct this movie, and all we got out of it was this:
 * (Cut to Dongwa groping Lik-Lik)
 * Lik-Lik: *blushing* Mrwph! *changes to an angry look and yells at Dongwa* Hey, hey, hey! Stop it Dongwa!
 * Dongwa: *blushing* Ha ha, thought you were Hun-Hun.
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: Ha ha ha, they were groping each other! Kids love disobeying the demands of the #MeToo movement!
 * (Cut to Dongwa in the garden with Nai-Nai and the Sleeve Dogs)
 * The Snob: We open on Dongwa messing about with Grandma Polly Eyster and the dog versions of a old racist cartoon.
 * Nai-Nai: You do know that I once helped Pang with a serious problem.
 * Dongwa: What problem?
 * Pang: *sighs* Finding Pong's missing collar.
 * The Snob: *overdubbing Pang* And then Dogs happened and most of the village's population died.
 * (Qwan appears)
 * The Snob: Aku's human cousin appears to tell us of a treasure.
 * Qwan: I know of a treasure, contained within the mountains...
 * Dongwa: Cool...
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: My god, it's a pederast groupie from the lady's bowling league! This is a very special episode of Sagwa, the Chinese Siamese Cat! RUN DONGWA, RUN!
 * (Cut to the Alley Cats, Dongwa, and Nai-Nai heading for the mountains)
 * The Snob: Our heroes head for the mountains, leading to this exchange:
 * (Cut to Dongwa walking up to Lik-Lik's behind)
 * Dongwa: Oh Hun-Hun...
 * (Dongwa gropes Lik-Lik)
 * Lik-Lik: *blushing* Mrwph! *changes to an angry look and yells at Dongwa* Hey, hey, hey! Stop it Dongwa!
 * Dongwa: *blushing* Ha ha, thought you were Hun-Hun.
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: Rated G. No seriously, it was rated G here in the States.