Fictional Cinema Snob episodes/Neo-Shifters vs. Bionicle

Transcript

 * The Snob: This film... is a doozy. I guess I'm gonna have to call in backup to assist me in this review. (The Snob turns left and yells) Ben from Oddity Archive!
 * (Cut to Ben from Oddity Archive behind his cardboard box with a iPad)
 * Ben: I'm ready Mr. Dawn. If I wasn't, I'd be actually doing Archive today.
 * (Cut back to the Snob who turns right and yells)
 * The Snob: Clown Girl from ThatMissQuin!
 * (Cut to Clown Girl on the couch)
 * Clown Girl: I'm ready Cinema Snob! Ready for some fun! *giggles*
 * (Cut back to the Snob who turns left again and yells)
 * The Snob: Chester A. Bum!
 * (Cut to Chester A. Bum)
 * Chester A. Bum: OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST CROSSOVER REVIEW I'VE EVER BEEN A PART OF IN MY LIFE!
 * (Cut back to the Snob who turns right again and yells)
 * The Snob: James A. Williams!
 * (Cut to James A. Williams' icon)
 * James A. Williams: Great, I have to review Bionicle and Neo-Shifters at the same time. This is gonna be a doozy.
 * (Cut back to the Snob who turns left again and yells)
 * The Snob: And the planet from Star Babe!
 * (Cut to Phelous)
 * Phelous: I'm not prepared for this, but who cares anymore, it's a partial El TV Kadsre production! So that means it's Michael Vlokozu-approved!
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: Good, complete gang! Now let's torture ourselves.
 * (Clips from the Bionicle and Neo-Shifters media play)
 * Chester A. Bum: In Bionicle, there's these rock things, called the Turaga, who turn teenagers into superpowered rock formations to stop the BIG BAD OTHER ROCK THINGS! And in Neo-Shifters, it's the same but with fiberglass and steel!
 * Clown Girl: These films do involve clowns in the background, especially in that one scene in Island of Doom.
 * Ben: But we digress, these films tend to get kind of screwed up.
 * (Cut to clips from the film)
 * The Snob: So it just happened that when I had to review Neo-Shifters vs. Bionicle... I had to call for help.
 * Phelous: In fact, there's a lot of moments that equal "What the f***?" in the minds of the fans of both, and we're just starting you guys off.
 * (Cut back to Ben)
 * Ben: And of course, this film is already up both me and the Snob's alleys.
 * (Cut to the RGN Special Presentation ident)
 * Announcer: And now, a joint presentation of RGN and El TV Kadsre 1!
 * (Cut to the RGN Content Warning)
 * Announcer: Due to some instances of both harsh and foul language, parental discretion is advised whilst viewing this teleplay.
 * (Cut back to James A. Williams' icon)
 * James A. Williams: Okay, did one of the characters from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang write that parental warning?
 * (Cut back to Ben)
 * Ben: Beats me.
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: Geez, all of the Bionicle and Neo-Shifters fans are so all hyped as hell to see the Toa and the Neo-Shifter finally meeting each other and who do they get to start this groundbreaking crossover?
 * (Cut to Kouta Hisakawa and Andre Kayrlislopvoslky and their wives talking)
 * The Snob: NO OTHER THAN GODDAMN PRIME MINISTER AND PRESIDENT OF EL KADSRE. Good christ! Kouta and Andre are starting this thing off!
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: So, is there gonna be a scene with a human-cat foursome between Akita, Jiro, Aqua, and Glen? 'Cause that music on that RGN logo is just asking for a sex scene!
 * (Cut to Aqua rubbing against Quinn Foster)
 * Ben: I hope not, since our respective shows would all be cancelled, and I think most furry haters would demand that Aqua getting kitty treats from, say, Glen shouldn't be shown in this flick.
 * (Cut to the Paladins on patrol and discussing their mission)
 * Chester A. Bum: The Paladins are on patrol, and Quinn Foster is like "Let's go to Capulco!"
 * (Cut to the Toa Nuva and Toa Mahri on patrol and destroying the anarchists' nuclear weapon)
 * Chester A. Bum: But then the Toa are like "Let's step in" and go to Capulco but vice-versa. Then Duchess destroys a bomb set up by the mockbuster version of Chumbawumba!
 * Ben: And that nuclear missile just happened to be filled with delicious white chocolate.
 * (Cut to the angry anarchists)
 * The Snob: The anarchists are p***ed!
 * Anarchist #1: Our plan for international anarchy has failed!
 * (Anarchist #1 faints)
 * Anarchist #2: Insane Joe, get up!
 * James A. Williams (imitating Anarchist #2): If you don't, the cameraman will have to explain our evil plan for anarchy in El Kadsre.
 * (Cut to the Toa and Paladins crashing into each other, and then transforming back into their human forms save for Aqua)
 * James A. Williams: Also our supposed heroes are idiots.
 * (Cut to Quinn and the Paladins facing off with the Toa)
 * Quinn: Alright, who the hell are you guys?
 * Akita: We... are Bionicle.
 * Danny: And who the hell are you people?
 * Takehiro: We... are Neo-Shifters.
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: Oh great, they meet for the first time and it sucks already.
 * (Cut to Aqua getting up)
 * Aqua: Oh, you dummies.
 * (Pan over to Quinn)
 * Quinn: Oh my god, WHAT THE F*** IS THAT?
 * (Cut back to Ben)
 * Ben: Great, we're about 2 minutes in and we got our first major swear word, and on national television, to boot!
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: And we also saw Ben Ivanson's reaction to seeing the makeup Halcyone Ferrara usually wears when playing Aquila as Aqua for the first time.
 * (Cut to Walt Right)
 * Walt Right: Indeed. Aqua is an abomination of nature, just like all women.
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: Ugh, not you! Let me try a question... um, was any one of the strong female characters your favorite character in Deep Impact?
 * (Cut back to Walt Right)
 * Walt Right: No, the killer comet was my favorite character in Deep Impact.
 * (Cut back to Ben)
 * Ben: The end credits were my favorite character in Deep Impact.
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: Well, that didn't work. Say Walt, was the Indian stereotype chick your favorite character in Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London?
 * (Cut back to Walt Right)
 * Walt Right: No, the end credits were my favorite character in Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London.
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: Finally, an opinion we can agree on.