A Death in the Pet Shop/Transcript

The following is a transcript of the upcoming American adult animated dramedy special, A Death in the Pet Shop.

Adult Swim Bump
Here's a trivia question for you

Do you remember the 2012 TV series Littlest Pet Shop?

If you answered yes, then listen closely

The following program is a childhood killer

To avoid panic attacks, think of it as an early draft of the short "Eau de Pepper"

that was rejected by Hasbro for being too dark and twisted

That's exactly what this program is

A dark and twisted version of "Eau de Pepper"

Extended to 44 minutes with commercial interruptions

Complete with the original voice cast and crew

Hide the kids

[adult swim]

Act 1
(Intro)

(We open on an aerial view of 72 Oak Street as the camera pans down to Littlest Pet Shop. We cut to the day camp area, where Blythe Baxter is helping Minka Mark into her monarch butterfly costume.)

Blythe Baxter: (adjusts Minka's butterfly wings) Aaand... there! (to the pets) Man, you guys are gonna look great at the International Pet Fashion Expo.

Pepper Clark: (steps forward) Yeah, we look great. But how do we smell?

Blythe: (confused) Hm? Smell?

Pepper: (nods) Yeah! I think we have to smell happy!

(Blythe and the pets (excluding Penny Ling) give Pepper confused looks.)

Pepper: Let me explain: if the judges smell happiness on us, it'll seep into their subconscious and make them happy. And who doesn't want a happy judge?

Penny Ling: Hmm, that makes sense.

Pepper: Exactly! (sticks her tail into Penny Ling's mouth, the latter of whom pushes it back) Now all I have to do is capture my happiest of happy scents. A delicate, peppermint-rosy, just-baked cupcake blend. (turns to Penny Ling) And I think I know the right pet for the job.

(Penny Ling blushes and chuckles nervously at Pepper's comment. We transition with a lightning strike to a sinister castle atop a summit. Inside, we see Pepper sitting on a table next to a tube, which she sticks her tail into.)

Pepper: Ready, Penny Ling?

(We cut to Penny Ling, dressed in a lab coat with her hair raised like a mad scientist's, operating a machine as she pulls down a pair of goggles.)

Penny Ling: Ready!

Pepper: Okay, start showing me the pictures.

(Penny Ling flicks two switches, making a screen come down in front of Pepper. Penny Ling presses some buttons, and the screen displays a picture of Pepper's rubber chicken. Pepper laughs and produces a yellow fume, which is converted into liquid form and drips into Penny Ling's test-tube.)

Penny Ling: (sniffs the fume) Mmm! Smells like vanilla!

Pepper: (confused) Vanilla? That's not right! Try again.

(Penny Ling pulls down a lever, changing the screen to Pepper's headbow. Pepper laughs and produces a purple fume, which drips into Penny Ling's test-tube.)

Penny Ling: (sniffs the fume) Blueberry with a hint of jasmine.

Pepper: Nice, but still not right. Come on, Penny Ling! I gotta get really happy!

(The screen changes to Old Bananas dancing while holding bananas; an orange fume. Blythe making funny faces, an orange fume. Groucho glasses, a white fume. Chittering fake teeth, Penny Ling begins coughing while preserving a pink fume. A singing fish, a green fume. A punch-glove-in-the-box, a yellow fume. On each picture displayed on the screen, Pepper looks more and more exhausted, and her laughing sounds more and more deranged. We transition to Penny Ling coughing uncontrollably as the lab is filled with a lethal mixture of fumes. We see her desperately trying to fan away the fumes as her eyes tear up, and we cut to Pepper on the table, looking worse for wear; her eyes are bloodshot, her fur is a mess and she looks crazed from lack of sleep.)

Pepper: (overhears Penny Ling's frantic coughing and sputtering) Penny Ling, what's going on back there?

Penny Ling: (turns to Pepper) All of her scents are mixing together! (coughs, sputters) It's too much!

Pepper: Don't let up! I can't stop until I find my happiest scent!

(Lightning strike. Penny Ling climbs on top of a stool and clutches onto the machine as she begins to choke on the fumes. Her eyes have reddened slightly as tears stream down her cheeks.)

Penny Ling: (coughs) B-but you're... exhausted! A-and the fumes! I beg you, this is not gonna end well for either of us if you don't rest!

Pepper: (strains her voice) Just... one... more!

(Penny Ling reluctantly runs over to a double-lever, which she pulls down using all her strength. This starts a red alert and changes the screen to a caricature of Captain Cuddles against a heart gradient background. Pepper is instantly lovestruck, and her tail noticeably forms a heart shape as she produces a bright pink fume. The fume shoots through a loop in the shape of a heart and drips into Penny Ling's test-tube, creating a heart-shaped explosion.)

Penny Ling: (sniffs the fume with mild astonishment) Mmm! (coughs) Smells like a... (sputters) p-peppermint-rosy... (coughs) cupcake!

Pepper: (swoons at the caricature) Aahhh... at last. (turns to Penny Ling) Quick, Penny Ling! CAP IT!!

(Penny Ling turns to a rack of test-tubes sitting on a table, in front of which lies a wine-bottle cork. As she walks up to the table, she steps on a test-tube lying on the floor, sending her rolling towards the table. She is slammed against the edge, landing on her chest, but the test-tube remains intact. She lets out a series of hacking coughs and nearly asphyxiates, at one point coughing up some blood. As she picks up the cork and uses it to cap the tube, containing the fume, she looks at her own hand and finds a small bloodstain in her fur. As she see it in her POV, her vision has become blurry. We then cut to Pepper laying on her front, exhausted from producing so many fumes.)

Pepper: (pants) Did you... capture it... Penny Ling?

Penny Ling: (feeling dizzy, as evident by her struggle to keep her balance) Urk! No...

More coming soon!