Parker (1980 film)

Parker is a 1980 British spy comedy film directed by, written by and Mitton and starring  as Rembrandt Parker. Produced by Dennis Barton and, the film follows the exploits of a dysfunctional intelligence agency, centered on Rembrandt Parker (Lazenby) and seven of his colleagues—his mother Christine Parker , Sylvia Baines , Herbert "Herbie" Aykroyd , Kelsey Anderson , Kimberley Alborough , Archibald Harper and Dr. Isaac Chang (Desmond Suen). The film is set in an anachronistic, Cold War-esque universe and parodies espionage, culture and society, and the human condition.

Produced by Barton and Cardona's production companies Standard Productions and, the film was given a theatrical release by on 17 May 1980. It received positive reviews from critics for its humor, performances, tone and action sequences. A sequel, entitled Parker: 1999, was released on 31 January 1999.

Plot
Rembrandt Parker, a suave agent from, partakes in a torture training exercise, but causes it to be terminated after complaining about fellow agent Belikov's fake-torture tactics. The following day, while trying to get members of the organization to smell his dry cleaning due to its strangely curry-like odor, Parker is called into the office of Christine, his mother and boss, where he is chastised for misusing his MI5-run expense account. He seeks assistance from Herbert "Herbie" Aykroyd, a member of the organization and his ex-girlfriend Sylvia Baines' current boyfriend, to clear his account, but he refuses. Attempts to get access to accounts with a made-up "Mole Hunt" also meet with failure, because only section heads (Belikov, Herbie in accounting and Kimberley Alborough in human resources) have access to the mainframe, and none of them wants to help him. Parker tries getting secretary Cheryl to leave the mainframe open that night, allowing Parker to easily slip in and clear his account, but she too denies his request.

Without any outside options, Parker is forced to manually break into MI5's mainframe. Though he initially thinks that this will be an extremely difficult task, he discovers that actual security is appallingly terrible and he easily figures out the password to hack his account after the first try. While trying to transfer all of his excess expenses from his account to Belikov, the agent enters the room and holds a gun up to Parker's head. He reveals that he is actually a Russian spy named Aksentyev and fears the agency has started to realize that he is a mole, so he plans on stealing £50,000 from Parker's account and fleeing from the country. Just then, however, Sylvia arrives and pulls a gun on Aksentyev. She and Parker begin to argue and the mole is able to escape.

They pursue him outside, where Herbie and Christine have already arrived. Aksentyev grabs Christine and threatens to kill her if they do not let him leave; Parker tries to turn the tables on him by grabbing Sylvia and threatening to do the same, but Aksentyev does not care about her well being. When Sylvia proclaims that Parker is getting an erection (caused by picturing Christine being dead), Aksentyev lets go of Christine in disgust, allowing Parker room to shoot him several times in his chest and once in the head, killing him.

Despite his previous actions of breaking into MI5 and hacking the mainframe, Parker is excused from his expenses after Herbie comes to the assumption that Aksentyev had been stealing from Parker's account the whole time. Christine notes that she would have known if there was a mole at MI5, her earlier phone call interrupted by Parker, was shown to have been with, chairman of the KGB. She changes the subject when questioned, and rather complains that someone left donuts on the floor attracting ants.

A month later, after Parker recklessly foils a Canadian terrorist's attempt to assassinate an American nobleman, Christine begins to suspect that Sylvia's feelings for her son are resurfacing. Hoping to readjust Sylvia's desires so they are steered towards her current boyfriend, Herbie, she asks Parker to train him to be a field agent. Parker is wise to their scheme though, and tries to set Herbie up to fail to sabotage his relationship with Sylvia, his ex. At one point, Herbie inquiries about Parker’s lack of ethics and ease of deception, to which Parker replies “lying is, like, 95% of what I do.” One of his sessions involves trying to kill an assassin (portrayed by Parker's butler, Armstrong) and using a dance partner (played by a prostitute Parker has befriended) as a human shield. During the session, however, Herbie accidentally poisons the prostitute and both he and Parker pronounce her deceased.

The pair put the prostitute in Parker's trunk and drive off, hoping to dispose of the body in an undisclosed location. On the way, however, Parker reveals he is aware of Christine's plan and has been attempting to discourage Herbie from becoming a field agent, presumably due to his own feelings for Sylvia, and had orchestrated the whole fiasco to this end (revealing the prostitute was merely tranquilized). At this point, the car is rammed by a pursuing vehicle. Herbie believes this is part of Parker's hoax, until their pursuer opens fire on them. In a true show of his character, Herbie threatens to eject from the car and leave the hysterical Herbie behind. Their mystery attacker then ceases fire and reveals herself to be Sylvia, who has discovered Parker's assignment and decided to put a stop to it. Despite Herbie's concern about being caught with a dead hooker, Sylvia reveals she is only upset he felt the need to keep secrets from her, so she punishes Herbie by forcing him to buy interracial pornography from "the sweet old Korean lady" at the video store. Parker releases the prostitute in the trunk after Herbie and Sylvia depart, who reveals she was not in on the plan. Parker is forced to not only pay her obscene amounts of money as collateral, but also give her his car, leaving him stranded.

Meanwhile, Christine becomes temporally blinded after having an allergic reaction to zucchini. Seeing this as an opportunity to help themselves, Cheryl and Alborough hack into the MI5 computer mainframe from Christine's office and alter their files, allowing them better health care and other perks they can not afford themselves. The whole time, Christine rants about how disgruntled she is about her own and others' life choices.

During a staff meeting, Christine reveals that due to the deaths of several agents, MI5 must hire a racially diverse staff to obtain tax incentives. She announces she has solved the issue by hiring Desharious Morrissey, a black Jewish man. Christine gives Morrissey a tour, where he gets propositioned by her, and in a fight with Parker in the locker room (which ends in a very gay position). Sylvia is intensely angry with Morrissey taking her position as top agent, and is suspended by Christine for questioning her hire. Meanwhile Alborough and Herbie fight over the vacant corner office, and Cheryl sexually desires for Morrissey and sleeps with him. She hopes to have been impregnated by him.

Christine's career is threatened when a sensitive videotape falls into the hands of a rogue (and roguish) Cuban agent, so she calls on Parker's expertise in seduction to turn the tables on her blackmailer.

Sometime later, after Christopher Atkinson becomes the head of the KGB, he orders Boris to ship Andropov off to Siberia. However, Boris instead ships Andropov off to the United Kingdom, where he defects to MI5. Andropov is sent to the MI5 safe house, but without protection as Parker left to have sex with Alborough. Atkinson manages to convince Cheryl to take him to the MI5 safe house, where he chokes Cheryl into submission and knocks Andropov out.

Andropov wakes up as he is being tied to a chair. Atkinson explains that finding out whether or not Andropov is his father would give Parker some much-needed closure, which is precisely why he can't let it happen. Atkinson has a block of ice with a fork in it, placed inside a microwave with ten minutes on the timer, with a room full of methane. Atkinson then leaves Andropov to die, with no remaining DNA for a DNA test.

Andropov begins to leave Parker a message, though it is unknown what the message was. However, ten minutes go by, and the ice block melts exposing the fork in the microwave. This creates a spark that ignites the methane and causes an explosion which kills Andropov and may have destroyed the tape as well.

Cast

 * as Rembrandt Parker
 * as Christine Parker
 * as Sylvia Baines
 * as Herbert "Herbie" Aykroyd
 * as Kelsey Anderson
 * as Kimberley Alborough
 * as Archibald Harper
 * Desmond Suen as Dr. Isaac Chang Keung-Kuen (張強權)
 * as Aloysius Armstrong
 * as Belikov
 * as Aksentyev
 * as Cheryl
 * as
 * as Christopher Atkinson
 * as Boris
 * as Desharious Morrissey
 * as Nicolás Reyes
 * Nancy Tso as the "Sweet Old Korean Lady"