Mr. Driller X/Script

Opening Scene

 * (The game opens with the camera panning across a notebook full of doujinshi. Hiyori's hand then opens the book.)
 * Hiyori: In another time, in another world, there was a lovely princess. (turns the page) She was given an enchantment from her mother's sacrifice for protection against Team Ankoku. It could only be broken when she reached adulthood. (turns the page) One day, Keel Sark locked her away in a dungeon guarded by a terrible fire-breathing turtle. (turns the page) Many brave drillers tried to free the maiden from the prison, but nonetheless failed. (turns the page) She slept and slept in the lowest level of the dungeon until everyone's favorite plumber arrived and proposed to her. (Susumu laughs)
 * Susumu: Yeah, like that's ever gonna happen. (shuts the notebook) Probably seven years from now.
 * (The camera then focuses on a bathroom door while a flushing sound can be heard.)
 * Susumu: (muffled) Ugh, good lord!
 * (Susumu opens the door while The Mr. Driller Rap/Susume! Driller! begins to play. Susumu goes about his day by starting off with him doing his hygiene by applying his deodorant and brushing his teeth. He is then seen jumping into a pool and seeing a piranha. He grabs it and kills it off-screen. Next, he is seen drilling through a block site and grabbing a Dristone upon sight. He can then be seen playing an online game with a chat box on the bottom. The camera then focuses on a street being overrun with blocks and the camera cutting back to Susumu's home where he is seen eating a rice cake. The next day, he goes down and reads the newspaper. His face is filled with shock.)

Pre-battle

 * (In an underground factory, a group of angry drillers are seen plotting an attempt to go after and assassinate the king undergrounder. The camera then cuts to Susumu and Wataru walking around the factory.)
 * Susumu: Looks like this is the point of the outbreak.
 * Wataru: All we just have to do is bribe the king to stop the blocks.
 * Susumu: He might not be there, I don't know. (Susumu sees the angry crowd trying to find the king undergrounder.) Huh?
 * (The camera focuses on the crowd looking at the entrance.)
 * Driller 1: Is he in there?
 * Driller 2: Yep, I see him. Let's kill him!
 * Driller 1: Hold on there! Do you know what they can do to you?
 * Susumu: (whispers to Wataru) I got this. (Susumu runs off with Wataru's having a confused look.)
 * Driller 3: They're murderers! Their blocks can grind your bones to shreds!
 * (Susumu sneaks up behind them and laughs.)
 * Susumu: Yeah, actually, that would be a Team Ankoku attack. Don't get me wrong, the key that operates the blocks is always being stolen by Team Ankoku hackers.
 * Driller 1: Back off, Susumu-kun! We're still going to kill him and that's final!
 * (Brief pause, one of the angry drillers drops his drill on the ground with some giggling.)
 * Driller 2: Right.
 * (Susumu gets out a bullhorn, turns it on, and yells really loud with the horde getting worried and even his voice going through the walls and other undergrounders hearing it. Upon finishing, Susumu pants a few times)
 * Susumu: (whispers) This is the part where you run away.
 * (Everyone runs away from Susumu, with him laughing.)
 * Susumu: I trolled ya, nerds!
 * Wataru: I thought those guys were going to kill the king! I was frightened at first!
 * Susumu: Alright, let's go inside.
 * (Susumu and Wataru open the door and into the main hall of the underground kingdom.)
 * King Undergrounder: Well, well, well. It's Susumu Hori and Wataru Hoshi.
 * Susumu: We're here because of what's happening. I even read that in the newspaper.
 * Wataru: And you were so close to being assassinated by an angry group of drillers.
 * (The King Undergrounder tries to remember the events as best as he could, but can't seem to remember. As he attempts, an evil laugh can be heard.)
 * Wataru: WHO'S THERE!?
 * Hakai: I've been waiting for you, Susumu.
 * (Susumu Hakai appears on-screen)
 * Susumu: Huh!? You're me!
 * Hakai: That's right, I'm the hacked version of you, Susumu Hakai! (laughs evilly) You're gonna be seeing the blocks all over the world once again! You two probably know Princess Konata of the Lucky Star Kingdom.
 * Susumu: Oh, please no!
 * Hakai: She is now a permanent guest of Team Ankoku's new dungeons that will just keep producing blocks.
 * Susumu: I'm gonna make you eat those words!

Post-Battle

 * (Hakai can be seen hurt on the ground.)
 * Susumu: Let's see if we can find her. (notices a note on the ground) Huh, what's this?
 * (Susumu picks up the note, which is completely written in Japanese and begins reading it along with Wataru.)
 * Wataru: It looks like the princess was transported to another location.
 * Susumu: Really!? Am I going to have to pick up that "princess is in another castle" nonsense? This isn't Super Mario Bros.!1

Introduction

 * (The cutscene opens right in front of the torii of the Takanomiya Park. Susumu and Wataru then enter, and see Kagami from the distance.)
 * Kagami: Hey Susumu!
 * Susumu: Hey.
 * Kagami: Were you able to stop the blocks?
 * Susumu: No, but I got reports that Princess Konata went missing again. Did you hear about that?
 * Kagami: Oh, I didn't know that, but now I do.
 * Wataru: Now I fully understand why this is happening again.
 * Kagami: We can just try our best to - (Kagami gets a text message and checks her phone) Whoa, one of our guests has clogged the toilet again! I'm getting a plumber right now!
 * Wataru: (to Susumu) You know she's probably going to ask you, right?
 * Kagami: (brief pause, looks at both of them) I'll get Tsukasa to make you a large pizza with spaghetti if you do it.

Note(s)

 * 1) That sentence can only be heard in the GameCube version of the game. The cutscene with the alternate take can also be found within the PC version's files.