Fictional Midnight Screenings episodes/Retro: Dongwa's Movie!

Transcript

 * Brad: Yeah.
 * Dave: Wow, this was... interesting.
 * Laura: This was surprisingly good for a kids flick from the early 2000's based off a one-season PBS Kids show made in Canada.
 * Brian: Yeah, I never knew I'd see this movie back in the theaters!
 * Dave: And I'm the only one who's seen this once before!
 * Brad: Yeah, and I saw Sagwa: The Movie and Whodunnit? when they got released in theaters.
 * Dave: I saw this when it first came out. I remember that the short they played before it was a short about this Lebanese refugee girl who moved to Canada. At one point, she nearly had a potty failure due to not knowing what a bathroom was called and not speaking much English, and the kids laughed at it! They laughed at a f***ing war refugee! Poor girl!
 * Laura: And I'm surprised we all managed to fit in this car.
 * (light goes out in the car, Dave opens and shuts the door to reset the timer)
 * Dave: She was also scared of Halloween because it reminded her of the war she fled Lebanon because of, then she learnt English and was no longer scared because token black woman #45 helped her, then she was happy.
 * Brad: (in the Cinema Snob's voice) Man, comedians nowadays have been getting way lazier with their versions of the Aristocrats joke.
 * Laura: *laughs*
 * Brian: It was From Far Away, right?
 * Dave: Yeah! Anyways, we got to see the limited engagement of this film from Samuel Goldwyn, PBS Digital Studios, and Shout! Factory as part of a series of "boutique" screenings of the PBS Kids Movies lineup of films.
 * Brad: Yeah, and this was the only chain theater in Illinois that was screening the engagement, the AMC that has had everything from projector problems to power outages to a f***ing gas leak ruin our movie-going experiences. The only others were indie theaters in Chicago and Rockford.
 * Dave: Yeah, so when we got to the theater, we walked up to the ticket booth as the nerds started to pour in, and Brad was all like "4 for Dongwa's Movie" and the ticket guy, as he punched in our tickets, looked at us and was like "Why are they entering a boutique screening only nerds would enter?" as he printed our tickets. Then he was "That'll be 23 dollars... and you're entering the auditorium for Dongwa's Movie!, right?" and Laura's all like "Yeah". Then we made our merry way into the theater.
 * Laura: Should we talk about the trailers?
 * Dave: Right now?
 * Brian: *laughs* We might as well!
 * Brad: Okay, fine! First we walked in on the last, like, few minutes of From Far Away as part of the pre-show, and then we essentially got hit in the face with a trailer for a double feature of Miami Connection and Dangerous Men, because f*** actual family movies to put trailers for in front of this flick! And then after the combination of the power of friendship and a Iranian refugee's bad movie about 12 plots of Chrismas in July being thrown into matinees for cult movie fans to enjoy, we saw promos for PBS Kids' shows and some trailers for some Shout! Factory releases, including the Cannon dance movies, and by Cannon's dance movies I mean: Breakin ' , Breakin ' : Electric Boogaloo, and Rappin ' .
 * Brian: I'm sad to admit I actually enjoy Ready Jet Go! to be honest.
 * Brad: Yeah, me too! Even if they rhyme in the song bits like if Dr. Seuss decided to start a rap career in the 1980's! *laughs*
 * Laura: Yeah, and everyone was so hyped that a lot of the people in the audience were, like, quoting along to the trailers. "Make no more mistakes. YOU UNDERSTAND?". "HOY!". "Daniel, Daniel come in please!". "JEKYLL JEKYLL HYDE JEKYLL HYDE HYDE JEKYLL!". "I can't count!". Then after those trailers and PBS Kids nostalgia stuff promos, plus trailers for Hunterbots: Revenge of the Island and Venom, we got the trailer for this horror flick called Cold Skin, and someone behind me said "Oh no, there's gonna be too much fast cuts and jumpscares to make this trailer quoteable." Then afterwards, some of them mocked the screaming and the delivery of the actors. "AUUUUUUGH!".
 * Brian: Let's get onto the movie.
 * Brad: Alright then, it starts out with Nai-Nai, aka Lloyd's crush who's like 103 in human years but an incredibly young age in cat years, who's with Dongwa and the Sleeve Dogs. Then Aku's loser brother Qwan shows up and tells Dongwa of the treasure, so the Alley Cats, Dongwa, and Nai-Nai are all like "Whoop-de-f***ing do, let's rip off an episode of DuckTales! The original series!"