SpongeBob SquarePants: Bikini Bottom Raceway at Arizona's Backyard Opening Ceremony

Premiered on Memorial Day 2003.

Script

 * French Narrator: Live from Encino, California, SpongeBob superfan and President of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club Patchy the Pirate is hitting the road to ride the all-new SpongeBob roller coaster at Arizona's Backyard
 * Patchy: What do we need for a theme park trip? I got tickets, sunscreen, swim trunks, and a fanny pack!
 * Potty: Fanny Pack? You stuffed my Great Aunt Fanny into some stupid pack?
 * Patchy: No! This is just so I can carry stuff on my lap, including the treasure map to be the first to ride the SpongeBob SquarePants roller coaster!
 * Potty: I already got my stuff.
 * *Cuts to a bunch of sports equipment*
 * Patchy: What is this? Wide World of Sports in Orlando, Florida?
 * Patchy: And besides, I already packed your junk, now get in the Patchymobile.
 * *Timecard: SIX HOURS LATER*
 * Patchy: I'm finally here! Arizona's Backyard! It was worth waking up at 3 in the morning for!
 * Potty: Not for me it ain't!
 * Ticket Woman: Do you have your tickets?
 * Patchy: Yep, purchased them as soon as the SpongeBob coaster was announced.
 * Ticket Woman: Okay, you are free to enter.
 * Patchy: Okay, I need to find the SpongeBob roller coaster, but I need a map
 * Groundskeeper Man: Oh, I got some maps right here.
 * Patchy: No! I need a treasure map!
 * Groundskeeper Man: Well, I found a treasure map lying on the ground when I was cleaning the Dragon.
 * Patchy: Oh my! It is a treasure map! And it's towards the SpongeBob Roller Coaster! First, I need to walk fifty paces around the casino.
 * Casino Attendant: Uhh, sir, are you old enough?
 * Patchy: Yes, I am, but this bird-brain isn't.
 * Potty: What? I'm older than you by ten years!
 * Casino Attendant: Whatever... just don't bug me for the rest of the day.
 * Patchy: Then... CONQUER THE SEVEN RIDES OF DOOM! Only for SPONGEBOB!
 * *Patchy rides on Watership Down, Aero Wings, The Mario Kart Experience Express, Carwardine's River Rapids Ride, Chaos, Sagwa's Rickshaw Run and Zoom Machine*
 * Patchy: And then, walk towards Crash Canyon and you'll find the SpongeBob coaster!
 * Patchy: Here it is! The SpongeBob SquarePants Roller Coaster!
 * Patchy: Excuse me, coming through, hello, line cutter beware, watch out!
 * Patchy: Get ready! This is going to be epic! The SpongeBob SquarePants coaster!
 * *chain life sounds heard*
 * Patchy: Woah! woah! woah!
 * Patchy: That's it? That's the SpongeBob roller coaster? SpongeBob betrayed us!
 * Patchy: I'm sorry I ever started this stupid fan club in the first place! I'm getting rid of all my SpongeBob stuff! All of it! All of it!
 * Potty: Hey Patchy, the real one's over there!
 * Patchy: Really?
 * *shows the last scene in reverse*
 * Patchy: Now it's time to ride the SpongeBob SquarePants roller coaster!
 * *Patchy rides the SpongeBob roller coaster*
 * Patchy: Now wasn't that the best ride ever?