Fictional Cinema Snob episodes/Zak and Wheezie's Big Circus Adventure

Transcript

 * The Snob: ...What
 * (Title card)
 * The Snob: So what would happen if Dragon Tales: The Search for the 15 Keys and Bingo were fused together... this would have happened!
 * (Cut to a montage of clips from the film)
 * The Snob: Zak and Wheezie's Big Circus Adventure was originally released in 2002, with Samuel Goldwyn Films holding the distribution rights for certain regions and Tri-Star Pictures for the other regions. It stars Zak and Wheezie from Dragon Tales, who travel from Dragon Land and team up with a group of circus kids and a burlesque performer panther to stop a jewel heist, of which the thiefs involved are trying to hijack the circus to execute the heist more easily. And this synopsis just screams "Bad Kids Flick!"
 * (Cut to the Samuel Goldwyn Films logo)
 * The Snob: Samuel Goldwyn better stop this s*** right now!
 * (Cut to the PBS Kids Movies logo)
 * The Snob: And- what the f***, why are these kids transforming into various creatures? No explanation? The boy is stuck as a f***ing robot! Holy s***!
 * (Cut to the opening credits)
 * The Snob: The film was written by Dragon Tales creator Ron Rodecker and co-written by Wheezie's voice actress Kathleen Barr. This film is Barr's only writing credit, and it shows. Dragon Tales co-creator Jim Coane produced the film, and also is credited for co-writing one of Princess' music numbers. The film itself was directed by- wait, Mr. Lawrence? You worked on SpongeBob SquarePants and Rocko's Modern Life! Why are you involved in this!?!
 * (Cut to Zak and Wheezie arriving out of a portal and landing outside the circus grounds)
 * Zak and Wheezie: OOF!
 * Zak: Wheezie, where are we?
 * Wheezie: Looks strange... but I LOOOOOOOOOOOVVVEEE IT!
 * Zak: *groans*
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: I think Zak just reviewed the movie for me!
 * (Cut to Princess meeting Zak and Wheezie whilst walking)
 * The Snob: Zak and Wheezie then meet- JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE F*** IS THAT?!?
 * Princess: Hello boys!
 * Zak: Boy... and girl!
 * Princess: Okay then. My name's Princess, the cutest panther this side of the Savannah.
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: It's nice to see what a fursuit of Panthy from Noah's Ark would look like, and I haven't even reviewed that movie yet! Also, Ron Rodecker originally had a meeting with burlesque performer Catherine D'lish after she was considered for the role, in which Ron actually pitched D'lish the movie's synopsis. I bet Ron made it rain later that meeting, and the flies-on-the-wall in the conversation all left afterwards in disgust! D'lish later turned down the role after developing an allergic relation to the glue used to put the base of the animatronic head for Princess together, because the glue hadn't dried yet when she put it on for the first and only time, and so they got actor Doug Jones to step inside the suit and wear padding and fake t*****s to pretend he was a woman, and had another, more legendary burlesque performer, Dixie Evans, dub over Doug's voice in the role. We'll see how that all worked out later on!
 * (Cut to Leo and Katie walking around the circus grounds)
 * The Snob: Leo and Katie are two young kids who live with their parents in the circus, and they love it on tour.
 * Leo: It's so amazing to see different places!
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: You live in El Kadsre! There's no differences there!
 * (Cut to Becky Z. and the rest of Leo and Katie's touring friends walking with them, and then to Princess' show)
 * The Snob: We meet their friends, but who cares about that, onto Princess' burlesque extravaganza!
 * (Cut to the opening act dubbed over with "The French Mistake" from Blazin' Saddles)
 * Singers: Throw out your hands!! Stick out your tush!! Hands on your hips. Give them a push!!
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: I wish Blazin' Saddles would also crash into this!
 * (Cut to Princess' number)
 * Princess: You boys are lookin'... fine tonight! (Shakes her breasts)
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: Rated PG.
 * (Cut to Zak and Wheezie entering the venue)
 * The Snob: The movie remembers it's about Zak and Wheezie again, so they spectate this.
 * Zak: Jeez! She should never run around naked!
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: No seriously, this film was rated PG.
 * (Cut to Zak and Wheezie clapping and then Nai-Nai and Fu-Fu landing out of a portal on the circus grounds)
 * The Snob: If any Sagwa characters show up in this I'll- OH GOD F***ING DAMN IT!
 * Fu-Fu: That kinda hurt!
 * Nai-Nai: I barely felt a thing despite how hard the landing was. I'm a tank.
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: What, so Nai-Nai is a Transformer? That would explain the scene where she transforms into a tank powered by spec scripts for unproduced sequels to the movies I've reviewed!