Fictional Cinema Snob episodes/DragonflyTV: Snow Boardin' USA

Transcript

 * The Snob: I can't believe PBS Kids found a spec script for a Snowboard Academy sequel, and slapped the name of their youth science show DragonflyTV on it. This is not gonna turn out well.
 * (Title card)
 * (Cut to clips from the film)
 * The Snob: DragonflyTV: Snow Boardin' USA is a 2003 docu-comedy film from PBS Kids Movies and Samuel Goldwyn Films, produced by DragonflyTV ' s originating PBS station Twin Cities Public Television. And who they put in charge of the film is super baffling!
 * (Cut to clips from the opening credits)
 * The Snob: The movie is directed by Mike Figgis, who brought us Leaving Las Vegas and Timecode, and was written by voice actress Sonja Ball, albeit credited as Polly Huckle, who voiced Polly Esther in the English dub of Samurai Pizza Cats. She was also Sagwa's Nai-Nai!
 * (As the Snob mentions Figgis' films, their posters appear on screen, and photos of Sonja Ball's roles appear on screen as the Snob mentions them).
 * (Cut back to the Snob)
 * The Snob: WHAT? That's like finding out the producer of Schindler's List also produced Hillary's America! Wait, that's actually true!
 * (As the Snob mentions those films, their posters appear on screen)
 * (Samuel Goldwyn Films logo appears)
 * The Snob: And how come PBS cannot find a distributor who didn't distribute s***ty propaganda films from conservative pr*cks!
 * (Cut to the DragonflyTV intro's film variation)
 * The Snob: We see a montage of supposed "sciency" stuff, including: the plane from Cannibal Holocaust 2, the Rattle Me Bones commercial, that stupid gorilla meme, and the editing VCR malfunctioning as they were editing this footage of a missing girl on a playground. Also we see the urban version of the Buttercream Gang on another playground.
 * (Cut to the rest of the opening credits)
 * The Snob: And-, wait, "Edited by TWPT Editing Team"? Was Tariq Anwar unavailable, so the PBS station's in-house editing team had to cover? And- "Director of Photography: Will Barratt"? The same guy who did the cinematography for Hatchet? Why is the staff involved with this so weird?!?
 * (Cut to Mariko and Michael on a ski lift)
 * The Snob: Our hosts Mariko Nakasone and Michael Brandon Battle are at a ski resort in Alaska to do sciency things.