Statler and Waldorf (film)/Quotes

Quotes

 * Master Lee (shouting): YOU'VE REALLY DONE IT THIS TIME, KENNY KAPOW!! YOU'RE IN FOR THE NINETY-NINE YEARS OF PUNISHMENT BEATING OF A LIFETIME!!!
 * Ranger Richard (shouting): WHEN DO YOU EXPECT THE RINGING WILL STOP?!
 * George (checks watch, shouting): IN ABOUT... 99 SECONDS!
 * Meg (shouting): I CERTAINLY NOT HOPE SO!
 * Spooner (shouting): MUSTACHE MAROON?! (ringing stops) I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST- (covers her mouth, embarrassed; normal voice) Ahem, never mind. Quickly.
 * Jest: What a moron!
 * Master Lee (to Kenny Kapow): Now about your ninety-nine years of punishment beating, young man...
 * Kenny Kapow: I know. I'll go to my room and think about what I did. (Spooner stops him)
 * Spooner: Oh, no, you don't! You don't get me to go for that trick again! You're going to the, uh... garage!
 * Kenny Kapow: You're the boss.


 * Weldon the IT Guy (bitter): Yeah, the metal always wins. How does he do it? I can't understand it. It's against the laws of nature. Why, it just ain't in the cards. A metal beating me, a troll! A natural speed merchant! Why, I'm in the pink. Yeah, I'm an athlete. I've got an athlete's physi-que. Sure! I've got an athlete's legs. Certainly! I even got athlete's foot. How does that maroon do it? Oh, that little so-and-so! And I will, too.


 * George: Ow! My Tail!
 * Mr. Osbourne (on TV): This is the BGH Boston, PBS Member Station. The very first station without a W.
 * Ringo: Without a W. With no W, There might be consequences on other TV Stations.
 * Leon Boy: The other stations are OK. But, GBH, GBX, and GBY are the first ones that got rid of the W due to 2020 TV changes.


 * Old Bird: Wait a minute. Why should I act primitive? Statler and Waldorf's a sweet little guy... even though I can't trust him. After all, we're adults, civilized. I'll wish them the best, and if the best man has won... c 'est la guerre. I'll be cool, calm. I'll even laugh.


 * Carl Conover: I Order you to stock the sheep.


 * Weldon the IT Guy: Spooner! George! What are you doing? Hurry and get back here right now before the island blows up with you on it!
 * Spooner: Blows up!?
 * George the Dragon: I gotta get out of here and find Statler and Waldorf right away!


 * Ringo: Wow! I'm gonna have to use that to get into your social security accoooouunt!
 * Leon Boy: Weldon the IT Guy, please join me by my side and we shall, uh, rule the Earth together, ho ha ha! You can stand by me, Leon Boy, even though my BODY used to be a regular shape!
 * Weldon the IT Guy: Yeah, well, no. You're fat. Lol. Get rekt, you, fat scrub man. I'm gonna go fuck your wife now.
 * Ringo: WHAT? YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED, to fuck my wife!
 * [Weldon walks away]
 * Leon Boy: Weldon! Come back here right now! Weldon! What the fuck?

[First lines]
 * Carl Conover: FUCK!
 * Beach hermit: DAMN IT!
 * Junkyard watchman: HOLLY SHIT!
 * Jest: BALLS!


 * Weldon the IT Guy: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE A STOP IT, BUT I KNOW YOU STOP IT!!


 * Spooner: Hey, everybody, come here! You've gotta see this! Jest's telling me what to do! Wow, this must be a day that ends in Wife!!!
 * Weldon the IT Guy: Well, well, if it isn't the Total Dramarama boys. And only ninety-nine hours late, too. Oh, It's a shame you boys had to come to work today. Why I would've been glad to bring out your work to you. (yelling) NOW GET THIS! IF YOU’RE LATE ONE MORE TIME, YOU’RE FIRED! GET TO WORK!


 * Boris Johnson: Come on down Weldon the IT Guy, We got you surrounded!
 * Weldon the IT Guy: Go on you blue-coated schmoes!
 * Donald Trump: Stick and stones may break our bones, but names will never hurt us.


 * Statler: I guess our new movie is an origin story.
 * Waldorf: Every hero should have one! (they laugh)
 * Statler: I want the Rock to play me!
 * Waldorf: ...That'll never happen. (they laugh, cut to "Statler and Waldorf" title card)


 * Leon Boy: Why you dirty little stool pigeon! You double crossing little mutt!, let me at him!, let me at him! I'll tear him apart!, let me at him! I'll murderize him! let me at him!, I'll brutalize him, you stupid man!!
 * Ringo: And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you Blasted meddling nosey kids!!

[Last lines]
 * Statler: You're sure do.
 * Waldorf: Well, That won't be necessary. (they laugh)
 * George: Do we think get the House Fixed.
 * Spooner: I Guess.
 * Statler and Waldorf: Yes. Let's Do It! (they laugh had High-fived, cut to "Statler and Waldorf" title card)


 * Spooner: Do we ever win?
 * George the Dragon: Well, maybe no.


 * Statler: Can't you just leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already.
 * Waldorf: I know it's not much consolation, but I know how you feel
 * Statler: No you don't. I've got no home, no family.
 * Waldorf: No friends. (they laugh)