Crootchistan, officially – the Land of Crootchistan, the Island of Heart (in the Crootch language: Krotoam, Turgu Stilayk / Кротоам, Тургу Стилайк), is a country in the South Caucasus region of Eurasia in the Caspian Sea. It is an island country consisting of a large archipelago centered around Crootch Island, situated in the middle of the Caspian Sea and the coast of Kazakhstan, to which it is connected to from Atyrau by the 2-mile Akla Daz II Tunnel.


The country has no many big cities. The most of the population live in the two biggest cities: Ak'yoshel (Cyrillic: Акьёшэл, the capital) and Erigal'ka (Эригалька).

Other more or less big settlements are Tarashoda (Тарашода, 91244 Crootchers in 2018), Chorigul'ka (Чоригулька, 77899), Shlizuśida (Шлизущида, 65998).


The flag of the country comes from its language.

The blue colour means that the language is mysterious and has no clear roots; the orange colour means that the language makes hearts "to blaze" and people to feel more deeply; the red colour means simply that the language is beautiful, although many people say that "the language is too weird and sharp to be even a bit beautiful".

These three colours have always been the main colours of Crootchistani symbols and the flag was obviously established right after the Crootchistani Kingdom was founded. During the Soviet era, the flag had the hammer and sickle sign as other flags of the parts of USSR.

The names of the country

In the Crootch language, the country is called Krotoam (Кротоам) – that literally means "The Crootch land (am – "a land")". Another equal variant is Krozoam (Крозоам).

Though the most popular name beyond the country is Crootchistan, there are also many other names which are acceptable and equal. For example, other frequently used names are Crootchland – from the name of the country on its language, and Crootchia – from the Russian name of the country written as Кручия (Kruchiya).

Other national names can be Cakheyrhushod (Цахэйթушод) – "Home of soul", or Lungoam (Лунгоам) – "The homeland", but they, as opposed to the early years, are very rarely used nowadays.

Climate and geography

The climate of the archipelago, on which the country is located, is very different in the different parts. It is continental in the northern part and subtropical in the southern part. In winter there can be snow, but mostly in the northern part and not very often. Summer can be very dry in both of the parts.

The archipelago includes the main Crootchistani island and several little islands around, however, they are not settled at all and often used only for fishermen's camps.

The main island is covered by forests on 50%. The biggest nature reserve forest is located near Erigal'ka. There are also some not high mountains on the island.


520–1245 — Early Years

The first settlers of the country arrived here approximately in the 520th year – likely from the Caucasus. Not much is known about that period of time because the country was closed and, therefore, isolated – its warriors never allowed guests to move further the coasts.

It is only known that the main religion of that time was Shamanism. The Crootchers believed in different gods and spirits of nature and even the name of the country says about this fact: Kroto- comes from the word kroozo, meaning "a spirit". For example, the creators of life in our world are supposed to be Shinluzha and his brother Akbashin – both originate from the word shingo, meaning "life". Since Akbashin is the most famous god in Crootchistan as well as in the rest of the world, he is often called simply Akba beyond the country which is completely incorrect because this word in the Crootch language means only "god".

Even though now no Crootchers believe in all of those gods and spirits, they are not forgotten at all; moreover, there are many stories and fairy tales of that time most of which, however, do not say much about Crootchistan of that time.

1245–1935 — Original Crootchistani Kingdom

The first king of Crootchistan, as the historical sources say, could be Jal'runi Khazarul Satuma – literally: "Khazarul the First Insane", who became the king approximately in the 1245th year. If the sources are right, he was called so because he has been planning to conquer Europe for a long time which is not a reasonable idea for such a small country like Crootchistan itself. It is not known exactly how he died but it is known for sure that he has never attempted to conquer any land.

Even despite the fact that many Crootchers believe that Jal'runi Satuma was the first king of Crootchistan, many other Crootchers are about to believe in a more reasonable monarch. Thus, they believe that the first king of Crootchistan could be Kellek Shlidzar – as the legends say, he was called so because he always made the enemies cry (the Crootch word for "to cry" is shlidzuumi). According to this "more reasonable" theory, he became the king a bit later than Jal'runi Satuma – in the 1249th year.

Unfortunately, the history of Crootchistan before the Soviet era has not been saved well, therefore many facts remain to be a mystery. Nevertheless, it is known that in that time the country was still closed and Shamanism remained a major religion, however, there were very clear prior conditions for changes.

1935–1990 — Soviet Era

In December 1935, the Soviet Union invaded Crootchistan and overthrew the monarchy, who fled to Venezuela.

1990–1991 — Independence

There were tanks. People got hard. Aunt and Unkie.

1992–2003 — Constitutional monarchy era

2003 – present — Modern Crootchistan

Even though the modern country is purely a republic, the country nowadays is mostly closed as it was in the early years. The country is fully closed for tourists, although it still exports and imports many different things. Some sites, such as Facebook, are blocked, but most of the international sites, such as YouTube, are available for access in the country. It cannot be said exactly that the modern country is rich but there are no any paupers for sure and the country is successfully developing. About the fact that the country is closed says even the language: it has no international words, borrowed from other languages, at all.

The modern country cooperates mostly with Venezuela and El Kadsre. Since these alone countries with the biggest Crootch language speaking minorities in the world, the tourists from these countries are allowed to visit Crootchistan without special permission. However, they are prohibited to live here permanently nevertheless.


Croochistan is an absolute monarchy.

Famous people


Crootchistan's state-owned TV channels are:

Non-state-owned TV stations include:

Channels piped in from other countries include:


Crootchistan has a team in EKBA. The main station for different sports events is located in Ak'yoshel.

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