Malichka (Slovene: Malička) (Chinese: 馬麗基亞, Jyutping: Maa5 lai6 gei1 aa3, Yale: Máh laih gēi a, Pinyin: Mǎ lì jī yà), officially known as the Kingdom of Malichka (Slovene: Kraljestvo Malički) (Chinese: 馬麗基亞王國, Jyutping: Maa5 lai6 gei1 aa3 wong4 gwok3, Yale: Máh laih gēi a wòhng gwok, Pinyin: Mǎ lì jī yà wáng guó), is a country located in Eastern Asia, on the northeastern coast of China. It is bordered by China to the west, Russia to the north, North Korea to the northeast, and South Korea to the southeast. Malichka covers 78,180 sq km (30,185 sq mi) and has a population of 10.74 million. Its capital and the largest city is Dvoreki.

The official languages are Slovene, Cantonese and English (the British variety). Regional languages include Croatian, Bosnian, Serbian, Montenegrin, Hungarian, Romanian, Albanian, Czech, Slovak and Italian, with the Scandinavian languages being spoken mainly in the northernmost states.

The country is a founding member of the Association of Southeast Asian Nations, the Washington Pact, Asia-Pacific Economic Council and the United Nations.

Etymology

The name "Malichka" was either derived from the Indian word for "fish", representing the abundance of fish in the area, or the word "baby girl", a nod to the Malichkan founding legend in which the folk deity Babushka Marija gave birth to a baby girl whom she named "Malichka", meaning "baby girl".

History

Early European history (1755-1798)

The earliest recorded European visitor was a Croat by the name of Antun Stamenov, an explorer who arrived on the shores of present-day Svetijurij in 1755. Croatian merchants set up a no-name trading post in the area. Sadly it fell to bankruptcy and closed 9 years later.

Austrian colonization (1799-1848)

In 1799 the first Slovenian settlement was set up in what would later become the capital of Dvoreki, located in the state of Smrekavoda, which consisted of seven municipalities: Dvoreki proper, Bistravoda, Lisihriv, Cvetnobale, 25 Decembra, Sveti Andrej, and Novi Ljubljana. In the beginning of the 19th century there was an influx of settlers from the Balkan states, excluding Greece but including Hungary.

Sometime during the early 1820s, Scandinavian merchants began to set up trading post in the alpine regions located in the north. The traders prospered and Scandinavian settlers later arrived to colonize the Malichkan Alps.

Independence and British arrival (1849-1900)

On December 12th 1849, just 50 years after its colonization, the country formally gained independence from Austrian. Between the years 1855 and 1870, a mass migration of British peoples to Malichka followed, surviving under the divide created by the Slovenes and Cantonese.

Transition to 20th century and the World Wars (1901-1945)

Despite siding with the Allies in the 1st World War, Malichka chose to remain neutral in the 2nd World War. After a bungled Japanese invasion, Malichka decided to join the war on the side of the Allies. Only 200 Malichkan soldiers died in the war. They were a founding member of the United Nations and Washington Pact (NATO).

After the war, reign of dictatorship and the switch to the New Millennium (1946-1999)

On Malichkan Independence Day 1946, the country's last routine military engagement happened. They sent 100 soldiers and returned with 101 after making a friend from El Kadsre. The army has barely been active since.

In 1969, the country became a dictatorship after a successful coup under millionaire Brian Bjergsen. The dictatorship lasted until 1991 when he was exiled to the Netherlands for his crimes. Bjergsen was executed in 2001.

In 1970, after some testing and help from the US, the country sent spaceman Brian Vujicic to the moon, making him the first in Asia to ever do so. At the same time, Malichka adopted its national service policy which was repealed 31 years later after a civil conflict.

In 1979, the Malichkan Centennial Time Capsule was buried underneath Central Square which was opened in 1999, exactly 20 years after it was buried.

In 1991, the deposed Royal Family in exile under King Antun II was restored, the 1969 constitution, NS policy and Educational Code of 1970 repealed and nuclear arsenal given to neighboring China after a successful coup d'état that lasted 8 months, led by the King himself. A referendum was then held on whether Malichka would remain a dictatorship or revert to a monarchy. 92% voted to revert the country's system of government and restore the King's power, while only 5% voted to keep it a dictatorship. Bjergsen supporters consisted the 5% who voted against the monarchy's restoration. After the coup, Bjergsen was impeached, removed from office, and exiled to the Netherlands for crimes against humanity. He was executed after his sentence in 2001.

Ten years later, on December 12th 1999, the Malichkan Centennial Time Capsule was opened during the Bicentennial Bash celebrations. Its contents are now on display at the Malichkan National Museum.

21st century and beyond (2000-present)

On June 19th 2001, a counter-terrorist attack against Communist Party leader Zeljko Davidović by local vigilante David Watson took place. On September of the same year, Watson held rival terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden and six Al-Qaeda and Taliban members hostage and demanded his crimes be reported to the International Criminal Court, therefore averting the September 11 attacks. Instead, the World Trade Center in New York was demolished in 2011.

On December 12th 2001, the 202nd anniversary of Malichka's colonization, deposed dictator Brian Bjergsen was executed by electric chair for crimes against humanity. Watson later ran for a new position as prime minister in the 2005 general elections.

In 2006 Watson was sworn in as Prime Minister of Malichka. He ended terrorism and ordered a tamer version of Philippine president Rodrigo Duterte's "war on drugs" which did not happen until 10 years later.

Five years later Marko Dugandžić was sworn in as Prime Minister. However, his regime was not received well. He was derided and shamed especially by the Royal Family for his brutal corruption, long history of scams and extortion, his enactment of extreme and bizarre censorship laws, support for fascism and Nazism, and his repetitive acts of lèse-majesté, after speeches and documents censored and branded top secret for 3 years were exposed. After a successful 2-month coup, he formally left office and fled to the United States, just 7 years into his regime. At that same time Liberal-Democrat party leader Roko Vučić was sworn into office.

Climate

Malichka's central and southern areas have a temperate climate with four seasons: winter from December to February, spring from March to May, summer from June to September and autumn from October to November, while northern Malichka has a polar climate with summer from March to July and winter for the rest of the year, with January being the coldest months of the year in these areas.

Winters are usually severe, with snowstorms occasionally occurring especially in January. On the contrary, summer temperatures usually consist of 40 to 50 degrees F. Spring and autumn temperatures only reach 20-30 degrees F. (Malichka uses the imperial system).

The coldest temperature recorded in Malichka was -30 degrees F in Dvoreki on January 1st, 2000. The temperature reached that digit at exactly midnight. Some devout Christians called it "Sylvester's blessing", while others said it was a sign of the end of the world. The hottest on the other hand was 91 degrees F in Sveti Jurij town on the southern coast of Malichka, on July 9th 2010.

Geography

Malichka has at present six biomes: plains, hills, arctic tundra, alps (snowy mountains), temperate rainforests and taiga. The snowy biomes only show up in the northernmost regions, while plains, temperate rainforests and taigas dominate the southern regions. Jasper Lake, found in Borovničevgozd, is famous the world over for its clear, untainted waters, and its abundance of fish, mainly salmon and trout.

To the southern coast is the Amethyst Reef, a barrier reef which occupies over 18 sq km of sea. 390 of the world's coral species thrive there, as well as over 600 species of tropical fish. The Malichkan Alps dominate the north-central and -western portions of Malichka.

Mount Eimajolum, a dormant volcano, is located in the state of Smrekavoda. It has only erupted eight times in its history, the latest eruption being in 1917, at the peak of World War 1, at which point it has failed to cause damage to Dvoreki. Woodland animals normally found in the US and Canada also inhabit the evergreen forests and taigas of the central and southern regions.

Economy and industry

At present Malichka's economy is among the largest in Asia. The GDP nominal is MH$1.1 trillion while the GDP PPP is MH$2 billion. 29.8% of the GDP is spent on technology, specifically the video game industry. Major video game companies such as Asylum Games and Eima Jolum Entertainment are considered rivals to Japanese neighbors Nintendo, Sega, Square Enix and Namco.

The major industries there are agriculture, automobiles, biotech and alternative energy. Malichka's environmental standards are high especially due to its anti-animal cruelty law. Malichka lacks any nuclear power plants, oil rigs and refineries, and smoke-emitting factories. The country also harnesses solar energy, wind energy, and is known for "Vodalichka" - Malichka's answer to Singapore's NeWater - which is rainwater purified with a process that mirrors that of NeWater.

Education

School days are from Monday to Wednesday. From 1969-1991, it was all week. The typical school day lasts 6 hours from 12pm. Primary school days last 7 hours from 8am while secondary school days last 8 from 7am.

From 1969-1991, the average school day lasted 14 hours from 6am under the dictatorship. School also existed on the weekends during Brian Bjergsen's regime.

The school year lasts from July to January. However, the school year lasted all year round from 1969-1991.

Malichka uses the imperial system of measurement. The average IQ is 110, making them the smartest country in the world, after both Singapore and Hong Kong.

Culture

The country's culture is a mix of Balkan, Alpine and Chinese culture. The country celebrates Christmas and the Chinese New Year. A New Year's tradition is to eat twelve blueberries at midnight, one for every chime of a clock tower, to attract blessings and good luck, similar to the Spanish tradition of eating twelve grapes.

The country observes National Day every December 12. Annually, the government organizes the traditional National Day Parade, which in structure is similar to its Singaporean equivalent. It is customary tradition to hold it at Parliament Square every jubilee year (a year that ends in 4 or 9) and has been traditional since 1949.

Folklore

Creation story

The creation story is similar to that of the Bible, as a result of Catholic influence. They, like in Christianity, believe in one god whom they refer to as "God". They believe that a female being and lower deity of nature named Marija (representing the Slovenian colonists) gave birth to a human baby girl she named "Malishki". She later came down to earth on the very spot that later became the centre of modern-day Dvoreki. There, she was adopted by two loving parents, whom some people consider the descendants of the King and Queen of Malichka (which is not true as the bloodlines of all reigning royal families throughout national history are barely related). Malishka grew up to be a humble and obedient leader. To protect her people from The Darkness, an entity made from shadows (representing the bleak reality that sometimes has to be faced by people), she sacrificed her life force to save her kingdom, that being on the day of December 12th 1849, the same day Malichka gained independence. Legend says Malishka is now a nymph in Marija's kingdom, which is hidden somewhere in the Malichkan forest.

Superstitions

  • Legend says that if one waves a finger at someone, he/she will suffer bad luck. Netta Barzilai's music video for "Toy" had a scene cut out, while the music video for Jamie-Lee Kriewitz's "Flying" was banned altogether and replaced by a lyric video after people who reportedly watched the video suffered from car accidents or went suicidal. It was revealed that some popular music videos were either edited out or censored altogether due to the appearance of the gesture in parts of the videos.
  • If a child does chores, he/she will be kidnapped by the Chore Man, and will return as a broomstick or a dustpan, never to revert again. It is a "reverse" boogeyman, a creature which is used by children to frighten their parents into letting them do as they exactly please. The legend started fading away in the 90's due to the rise of so-called "moral guardians" lobbying for the legend to be eradicated.
  • In certain towns of Malichka, mainly in Svetiandrij, the children of these towns throw temper tantrums and destroy things in order to drive out the Chore Man from their town for fear of being taken away and turned into broomsticks or dustpans. That also started to fade in the 90's due to moral guardians claiming that the legend made their kids spoiled. It backfired, however, and the legends still remain to this day.
  • In other towns and villages, especially in Devetzmajev and Triborove, children sneak out at night, steal broomsticks, dustpans and sponges from people's homes, including their own, and throw them all into bonfires, throw them into the neighboring river(s) if applicable, or dispose of them in the woods. That would make it possible for the Chore Man to never enter their town at all.
  • If a child is not picky about food, it is said that he/she will be taken away to a pasta factory in Venice to be turned into pasta by a creature apparently known as the "Spaghetti Man". Another reverse boogeyman, the legend began to fade in the 2000's, and eventually was supposedly denied by local vegans derided as "fad hippies" by the public during the late 2010's.

Generation Z culture

A survey showed that 27% of Generation Z Malichkans were science and computer nerds, 38% of them consist the Malichkan furry community, and 25% were gamers, making up 43% of the Malichkan YouTuber community. Famous furries include Eric Bjergsen, the grandson of former leader Brian Bjergsen, whose fursona is "Huskalupus", a cross between the national animal, the Eurasian wolf, and a Siberian husky; and George Myers, whose fursona is an anthropomorphic German shepherd named Gary Mann Shepard, a pun on the species of dog his fursona is based on.

Politics

Malichka is a federal parliamentary constitutional monarchy consisting of nine states:

  • Modrigozdnihrib
  • Smrekavoda
  • Borovničevgozd
  • Svetiandrij
  • Borov Sad
  • Novi Maribor
  • Devetzmajev
  • Triborove
  • Zahodni Otoki

The king is Antun IV of House Blažević. The prime minister is Roko Vučić.

Until 1991 the country enforced the National Service policy which required all people 30 and above to receive at least 20 years military service. First limited to the military forces when it was instated in 1970 under Brian Bjergsen's regime, it has expanded to include police and civil defense. The NS law was repealed in 1991 after a peaceful protest, although army drafts still exist.

The nine dominant political parties are:

  • Conservative Party
  • Laborers' Alliance
  • Liberals-Democrats
  • Independent Party
  • Green Party
  • Communist Party
  • Fascist Party
  • Malichkan Socialists
  • Republican Party

The country recognizes Kosovar independence and supports Ukraine's claim in the Crimea dispute. They supported NATO during the Cold War.

Cuisine

Malichkan cuisine has Balkan, Central European, and Oriental roots. A famous noodle dish in the country is yakibuta ramen, introduced in the 18th-century by Japanese immigrants to Malichka. Sushi is a common appetizer in Malichkan cuisine. A famous pie in the country is the yin-yang tart, a half chocolate/vanilla pie with the crust being fashioned half in plain and half in chocolate, the name being a nod to the yin-yang symbol.

Popular foods include rdečmorje, a tomato-based soup with mushrooms, and piščanca, a roast chicken stuffed with corn, carrots, peas, shredded fried eggs, shrimp mince, and its own meat. A typical Malichkan meal consists of six courses: soup, appetizers, main course, rice meal, dessert and beverage. A typical banquet lasts 3 hours. Malichka is famous for being the birthplace of chocolate crinkles, its origins dating back to the 17th century.

The country is known for a traditional beverage called pirjagode, which is a non-alcoholic wine made from the juices of raspberries, blueberries and blackberries, and the liquid from maraschino cherries. Pirjagode-flavored soda is now commonly sold in Malichka. A cocktail named okusnečevoda is a popular drink in the country, which is cola mixed with grenadine syrup and maraschino cherry liquid.

The country's most famous dessert is the zemelpogača, a moist chocolate cake topped with cherries (somewhat like a cross between a chocolate mud cake and black forest cake). Other famous desserts include jagodnekup (a sorbet made from raspberries, blueberries, blackberries and goji berries), sadnistravoda (a fruit punch consisting of ice water, cherry liquid, and mixed berries) and rozpita (mixed berry pie).

Media

There is only one free-to-air TV broadcaster in Malichka: RTVM, which is owned by the monarchy. Only one commercial radio station exists as well: Smrekavoda Broadcasting Company. The country's newspapers are managed by Malichka Press, which is also owned by the monarchy.

Sports

A popular sport in Malichka is skiing. Soccer is not as common in the country, the only popular soccer team being the Dvoreki Devils. Skiing is popular due to Malichka's many mountains and its temperate climate.

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